Factory Joke Thread – July 2016
Fri, 07/01/2016 - 8:59am
 |
    12 years
|
This is the official POI Factory Joke thread.
It will be closed on the last day of the month and a new one will be opened.
Please read the forum rules before posting.
"POI Factory is not a forum for politically charged debate.
Let's avoid topics that already have a long list of Democrat or Republican talking points or that name specific politicians."
~Angela
See also
Frequently Asked Questions
Little boy.
Every once in a while you receive an email that "warms your heart" and you
just can't wait to pass it along...
A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door.
It is opened by a little ten year-old boy who has a lighted cigar in one
hand, a glass of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse magazine tucked under
his arm.
Salesman: "Hello son. Is your mom or dad home ?"
Little boy: "What the f*** do you think?"
GPSmap76Cx handheld, Nuvi 2557LMT, Nuvfi 2598LMTHD
Two elderly gentlemen........ from previous post
I can relate to that more and more as I become "chronologically advanced". :>)
rvOutrider
What is the saddest sea
What is the saddest sea creature? The Blue Whale. Once they turn blue, they are just blubbering idiots ...
I spend 80% of my money on airplanes & beer. The rest is wasted.
Senior Citizen Pickup Line
An elderly widower walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.
He is in his mid-eighties, very well-dressed, hair well-groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of an expensive after shave.
He presents a very nice image.
Seated at the bar is a classy looking lady in her mid-seventies.
The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. He orders a drink and takes a sip.
He slowly turns to the lady and says
"So, tell me..... do I come here often?"
The Danceologist
A man was sitting at a bar in London, and ordered a drink.
"So, who are you?", asked the bartender.
"I'm a danceologist. I've studied every dance in the entirety of Oceania".
"Even the Wingo Wango?"
"Mhm", he replied.
"Even the Yapucha dance?", he asked.
"Wait, I've never heard of that one! Can you tell me about it?"
The bartender shook his head. "I can't, but my cousin lives in Darwin. Here's his address. The bartender handed him a business card. The danceologist thanked him, and booked a flight there. When he arrived at the airport, the cousin greeted the danceologist, and took him home.
"Every year on the 12th of May they do the dance. You see that mountain up there? They live on top. They'll be doing it in 2 weeks.
The danceologist looked at the mountain in awe. Two weeks later, there was a heavy storm. There were collapsing, jagged rocks, and the icy winds battered him. He didn't bring any oxygen, and so he felt too out of breath, and took a rest. Later, he carried on for one last push, and reached the top, where he met the tribe.
"Aha! Is this where the Yapucha dance is?", exclaimed the danceologist.
"Sorry", said the chief. "You missed it by twelve minutes".
"WHAT?!", exclaimed the man. "Can you do it just for me?", he asked.
"Sorry again", said the chief. "It would upset the Gods. Come back next year at 12 o' clock"
Distraught, he went down the mountain. He flew back to London, and waited a full year, holding off any other projects so he could practise, even to the point where he spent less time with his family. When the time came, he flew back to Darwin, climbed out the mountain, combatted the chilly winds, fought off aggressive wildlife, only to get hit by a rock on the head. Despite this, he carried on, and reached the top.
"Am I in time?!", the danceologist panicked.
"Just in time!", laughed the chief. "Are we all ready?"
The other tribesmen got into a circle and nodded. The danceologist watched intently.
"Yapucha left foot in..."
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!
As We Age...
My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds … only 20 to go.
Ate salad for dinner … Mostly croutons & tomatoes ... Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce ... And cheese ... FINE, it was a pizza ... I ate a pizza …
How to prepare Tofu:
1. Throw it in the trash.
2. Grill some Meat.
I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web...
I don't mean to brag but … I finished my 14-day diet food in 3 hours and 20 minutes ...
A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it ...
Kids today don't know how easy they have it... when I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel ...
Senility has been a smooth transition for me ...
Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero how they closed school? Me neither.
I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented … I forgot where I was going with this ...
I love being older … I learn something new every day … and forget 5 others
A thief broke into my house last night … He started searching for money … so I woke up and searched with him...
My dentist told me I need a crown … I said, “You bet, pour mine over rocks” …
I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day
"Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
Hey!
I resemble that remark. lol
An elderly widower walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.
He is in his mid-eighties, very well-dressed, hair well-groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of an expensive after shave.
He presents a very nice image.
Seated at the bar is a classy looking lady in her mid-seventies.
The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. He orders a drink and takes a sip.
He slowly turns to the lady and says
"So, tell me..... do I come here often?"
The Ambulance and the Cooler
I like to tell the story about how when I was walking down the street in Mexico, an ambulance flew by sirens blaring. As it turned the corner it hit a bump and the rear doors briefly opened and out flew a small cooler.
The ambulance continued on unaware. A small crowd gathered and when someone opened the cooler, I looked inside and there was a human toe!
Which prompts the inevitable "What did you do?"
To which I find great joy in replying, "I called a toe truck."
Diary Entries of a Married Couple
Wife's Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, "nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
Husband's Diary, same day:
A two-foot putt.. Who the hell misses a two-foot putt?
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!
Blonde jokes
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes...and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!"
Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself."
She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?"
She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!
Funny
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes...and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!"
Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself."
She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?"
She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."
Pretty funny.
Phil
"No misfortune is so bad that whining about it won't make it worse."
A Scotsman
A Scotsman moves to the United States and attends his first baseball game.
The first batter approaches the batters' box, takes a few swings and then hits a double.
Everyone is on their feet screaming "Run!!!"
The next batter hits a single.
The Scotsman listens as the crowd again cheers "RUN!! RUN!!".
The Scotsman is enjoying the game and begins screaming with the fans.
The fifth batter comes up and four balls go by,
The Umpire calls: "Walk."
The batter starts his slow trot to first base.
The Scot stands up and screams, "Run ye lazy bastard, run!"
The people around him begin laughing.
Embarrassed, the Scot sits back down.
A friendly fan notes the man's embarrassment, leans over and explains, “He can't run -- he has four balls."
The Scot stands up and screams: "Walk with pride, Laddie!"
iBOOB
Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The iBoob will cost between $499 and $699, depending on the speaker size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!
Blonde Joke
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
Nice!
Two elderly gentlemen had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me .... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is..
His friend stared at him for at least three minutes -- he just stared and stared at him. Finally he said, 'How soon do you need to know?'
Good one!
Garmin Drive Smart 61 NA LMT-S
Good Stuff
Always good stuff here in this thread. The "free drinks/bartender" joke made me laugh out loud though.
Scratch Golfer
Two women were put together as partners in the club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time.
After introductions, the first golfer asked, "What’s your handicap?"
"Oh, I’m a scratch golfer," the other replied.
"Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired up with her.
"Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones!"
Good One!!!
Good One!!!
Kingston, Tennessee
In stereo...
...where available!
Possibly can be used as headphones.
Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The iBoob will cost between $499 and $699, depending on the speaker size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
.
A two-foot putt.. Who the hell misses a two-foot putt?
Love it, thanks!
Or earwarmers
...where available!
Possibly can be used as headphones.
Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The iBoob will cost between $499 and $699, depending on the speaker size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
Knock ... Knock ...
Did I miss any?
================================
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Canoe.
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Merry.
Merry who?
Merry Christmas!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to let me in?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Anee.
Anee,who?
Anee one you like!
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Iva.
Iva who?
I’ve a sore hand from knocking!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dozen.
Dozen who?
Dozen anybody want to let me in?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Needle.
Needle who?
Needle little money for the movies.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Henrietta.
Henrietta who?
Henrietta worm that was in his apple.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Avenue.
Avenue who?
Avenue knocked on this door before?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up, it’s cold out here!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
A herd.
A herd who?
A herd you were home, so I came over!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Adore.
Adore who?
Adore is between us. Open up!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Otto.
Otto who?
Otto know. I’ve got amnesia.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
King Tut.
King Tut who?
King Tut-key fried chicken!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in it’s cold out here.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Noah.
Noah who?
Noah good place we can get something to eat?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Robin.
Robin who?
Robin the piggy bank again.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the bathtub, It’s overflowing!
Knock, knock.
Who’s There?
Imma.
Imma Who?
Imma gettin’ old open the door!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
ORANGE YOU GLAD I DIDN’T SAY BANANA!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Gosh, don’t cry it’s just a knock knock joke.
Knock, knock.
Who’s There?
Impatient cow.
Impatient cow wh-?
Mooooo!
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
A little old lady.
A little old lady who?
I didn’t know you could yodel.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Sadie.
Sadie who?
Sadie magic word and watch me disappear!
Knock, knock,
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you!
Will you remember me in 2 minutes?
Yes.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Hey, you didn’t remember me!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Justin.
Justin who?
Justin time for dinner.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Kirtch.
Kirtch who?
God bless you!
Will you remember me in a minute?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a week?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a year?
Yes.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
You didn’t remember me!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke through the the peep hole and find out.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ivor.
Ivor who?
Ivor you let me in or I`ll climb through the window.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Claire.
Claire who?
Claire the way, I’m coming through!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Arfur.
Arfur who?
Arfur got!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby birthday to you!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Nana.
Nana who?
Nana your business.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ya.
Ya who?
Wow. You sure are excited to see me!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
Cows don’t go who, they go moo!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Etch.
Etch who?
Bless you!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Roach.
Roach who?
Roach you a letter, did you get it?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Aida.
Aida who?
Aida sandwich for lunch today.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Iona.
Iona who?
Iona new car!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Scold.
Scold who?
Scold enough out here to go ice skating.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Police.
Police who?
Police hurry up, it’s chilly outside!
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Justin.
Justin who?
Just in the neighborhood, thought I would drop by.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Ben.
Ben who?
Ben knocking For 10 minutes.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Two knee.
Two knee who?
Two-knee fish!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Hoo.
Hoo who?
Are you a owl?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
I am.
I am who?
You mean you don’t know who you are?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Isabell.
Isabell who?
Is a bell working?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Tank.
Tank who?
Your welcome!
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Alex.
Alex who?
Alex-plain later!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Ketchup.
Ketchup who?
Ketchup with me and I’ll tell you!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Annie.
Annie who?
Annie body home?
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Watson.
Watson who?
What’s on tv tonight?
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Cook.
Cook who?
Hey! Who are you calling cuckoo?
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Spell.
Spell who?
W-H-O
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dishes.
Dishes who?
Dish is a nice place!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Althea.
Althea who?
Althea later alligator!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Norma Lee.
Norma Lee who?
Norma Lee I don’t go around knocking on doors, but I just had to meet you!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
CD.
CD who?
CD guy on your doorstep?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Somebody too short to ring the doorbell!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Iowa.
Iowa who?
Iowa big apology to the owner of that red car!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abbot.
Abbot who?
Abbot you don’t know who this is!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Viper.
Viper who?
Viper nose, it’s running!
Bobkz - Garmin Nuvi 3597LMTHD/2455LMT/C530/C580- "Pain Is Fear Leaving The Body - Semper Fidelis"
Gps Jokes..
My GPS asked me how much I loved it. I replied, “Well, I’d be lost without you.”
My Dad kept using this GPS in his car that kept directing him to cliff edges. I think that’s what led him to his downfall.
I tagged Waldo with a GPS device. Problem solved.
I’m not saying my wife is a bad driver, but the new GPS I got her just went off and said “After 400 feet, stop and let me out!”
My friend was born with a GPS locator embedded in his chest. He can be difficult, but you know exactly where you stand with him.
A bloke in the pub sold me a pirate GPS. It tells you exactly where you arr.
Someone stole my sat nav. My life now lacks direction.
Bobkz - Garmin Nuvi 3597LMTHD/2455LMT/C530/C580- "Pain Is Fear Leaving The Body - Semper Fidelis"
How True
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office
~Aesop~
The meaning of life....
On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed...... On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God agreed......
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed again...... On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God. "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!
There's a lot of truth there.
There's a lot of truth there.
Frank DriveSmart55 37.322760, -79.511267
Lexus Mechanic and the Cardiologist
A Lexus mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a LS460 when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?”
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new. So how is it that I make $48,000 a year and you make $1.7 million when you and I are doing basically the same work?”
The cardiologist paused, leaned over and whispered to the mechanic, “Try doing it with the engine running."
GPSmap76Cx handheld, Nuvi 2557LMT, Nuvfi 2598LMTHD
Don't text and drive
I saw a young lady texting and driving yesterday. Her disregard for the other drivers really pissed me off, so I opened my window and threw my beer at her.
clear consciences
Show me someone with a clear conscience and I'll show you someone with a bad memory.
A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl..
After honeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage...
After a few drinks, billionaire's friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie..
"It's simple" billionaire boasts... "I faked my age"
"Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensational, what age btw did you tell you are?" A friend asks.
With a smile on his lips billionaire responds "85 years old"
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!
A lawyer, laying on his deathbed..
A lawyer, laying on his deathbed in his bedroom, called to his wife and told her to run and get the Bible as soon as possible.
Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea, so she ran and got it. As soon as she returned with the Bible, the lawyer snatched it from her and began quickly scanning pages, his eyes darting left and right.
Curious, his wife asked, "What are you doing, honey?" "I'm looking for loopholes!" he shouted.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!
The Trids
Every morning the Trids got up, ate breakfast, and marched over the bridge to Tridville to work. One morning, a troll moved in under the bridge. When the Trids tried to cross the bridge, the troll climbed up and kicked the Trids all the way back to their homes.
The Trids decided to take the day off in hopes that the troll would go away, but the next morning the troll once again climbed up onto the bridge and kicked them back to their homes. In desperation, the Trids decided to ask the Rabbi for help.
So the next morning the Rabbi walked across the bridge several times but never saw the troll. He went home believing the troll had indeed moved on. When the Trids tried to cross the bridge afterward, the troll climbed up again and kicked the Trids back home.
The Rabbi returned to the bridge and called out for the troll. When the troll appeared, the Rabbi asked why he was allowed to cross the bridge but not the Trids. The troll replied, "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids."
On his 74th birthday, an old man received a gift certificate
The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.
After being persuaded to go, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for.
The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, "This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoon and then say '1-2-3'." When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want."
The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" the medicine man responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
The man was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he quickly took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes as she asked "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!
Groan.... It will never work
Groan....
It will never work with the newer generations, they have no concept of dangling participle...or spelling. lol
oh my
Groan....
It will never work with the newer generations, they have no concept of dangling participle...or spelling. lol
if it's not an emoticon or a pokemon image the younger people won't have a clue
Never argue with a pig. It makes you look foolish and it anoys the hell out of the pig!
Last Words
There was a man in the hospital who was very old and most likely not making it out so his family went to the church to get the pastor to say goodbye and the hospital, so the next day the pastor visits the man in the hospital, but the man suddenly is gasping for air and can't breath so he grabs a pen and paper to write his last words he hands it to the pastor and died. The pastor takes the note and folds it into his pocket and ran to get the nurse. A week later at the mans funeral the pastors is reading from the Bible and remembers the not in his pocket so he opens it up and reads it to the congregation, it read: "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!