Factory Joke Thread – February 2020

 

This is the official POI Factory Joke thread.

It will be closed on the last day of the month and a new one will be opened.

Please read the forum rules before posting.

"POI Factory is not a forum for politically charged debate.
Let's avoid topics that already have a long list of Democrat or Republican talking points or that name specific politicians."

~Angela

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Good One!!!

Good One!!!

--
Kingston, Tennessee

Good One!!!

Good One!!!

--
Kingston, Tennessee

learing to cuss

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard.

The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss". The 4 year old nods his head in approval.

The 6 year old continues, "When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass".

The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies,

"Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios".

WHACK!

He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know", he blubbers, "but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios"..

Senior wisdom

My wife says I have two faults; I don't listen and something else...

At my funeral, take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who is next.

I'm going to stop asking "How dumb can you get?" People seem to be taking it as a challenge.

I thought growing old would take longer.

If you're happy and you know it, it's your meds.

If you can't laugh at yourself, let me do it.

--
John from PA

Old age

These days about half the stuff
In my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'

--
Nuvi 350 long gone, Nuvi 855LMT, Nuvi 2797LMT, DriveSmart 50 LMT-HD, 3790LMT now my daughters. Using Windows 10. DashCam A108C with GPS.

Funny!

Timantide wrote:

A man goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"

The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks."

"I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has this been going on." The doctor asked.

"That's nothing Doc. put your ear to my knee."

The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say "Man, I really need 10 bucks, just lend me 10 bucks!!"

"Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this." The doctor was dumbfounded.

"Wait Doc, that's not it. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle," the man urged him.

The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, "Please, I just need 5 bucks. Lend me 5 bucks please if you can."

I have no idea what to tell you," the doctor said. "There's nothing about it in my books," he said as he frantically searched all his medical reference books.

"I can make a well educated guess though. Based on life and all my previous experience I’d say your leg appears to be broke in three places."

I didn’t see that coming! Funny!

--
Garmin c340, Nuvi 350, Nuvi 765T, Nuvi 2360LMT

The senility prayer

Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.

--
Nuvi 350 long gone, Nuvi 855LMT, Nuvi 2797LMT, DriveSmart 50 LMT-HD, 3790LMT now my daughters. Using Windows 10. DashCam A108C with GPS.

Guy runs into a bar, yells "Quick! How tall is a penguin?"

Bartender says "Three feet tall."

Guy says "Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!"

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

A tip

Know how to prevent sagging skin?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

--
Nuvi 350 long gone, Nuvi 855LMT, Nuvi 2797LMT, DriveSmart 50 LMT-HD, 3790LMT now my daughters. Using Windows 10. DashCam A108C with GPS.

did you hear about the angry pepper?

It got jalapeno face...

Short Jokes

Honestly, I don’t mind leg day at the gym.
It’s just the two days after that I can’t stand.

I’m addicted to ordering hatchets from other countries because of the smell.
I love foreign axe scents.

What sounds like a sneeze and is made of leather?
A shoe.

What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.

I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia.
She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”

Didn’t expect...

...that punchline. Lol

Timantide wrote:

A man goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"

The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks."

"I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has this been going on." The doctor asked.

"That's nothing Doc. put your ear to my knee."

The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say "Man, I really need 10 bucks, just lend me 10 bucks!!"

"Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this." The doctor was dumbfounded.

"Wait Doc, that's not it. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle," the man urged him.

The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, "Please, I just need 5 bucks. Lend me 5 bucks please if you can."

I have no idea what to tell you," the doctor said. "There's nothing about it in my books," he said as he frantically searched all his medical reference books.

"I can make a well educated guess though. Based on life and all my previous experience I’d say your leg appears to be broke in three places."

At the golf store

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who work at the store
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, I think I like playing with men's balls'

--
Nuvi 350 long gone, Nuvi 855LMT, Nuvi 2797LMT, DriveSmart 50 LMT-HD, 3790LMT now my daughters. Using Windows 10. DashCam A108C with GPS.

A woman goes to her psychiatrist and starts to complain.

-"I don't want to get married. I am an educated, independent woman and I am happy by myself. I don’t need a husband, but my parents insist me to get married. What should I do?"

The psychiatrist : "You, no doubt, will achieve wonderful things in life. But at some point, some things will not occur as you expected. Some things will go wrong. Sometimes you fail. Sometimes your plans don't work. Sometimes your wishes won't come true. Who will you blame at that moment? Will you blame yourself?"

Woman: "No! Absolutely NOT!"

The psychiatrist : "YES. That's why you need a HUSBAND! "

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Three men were at the gates of heaven

There was only room for one person. St Peter asked each of them how they died, and the best story got through.

Man 1: I was adamant my wife was cheating. I came up to my apartment on the 24th floor and walked in, only to find my wife by herself. I was pleasantly surprised until I saw a man hanging off the edge of the balcony by just his fingers. I went over to him with a hammer and hit his hands until he let go. He fell in some bushes, and was still alive, so I grabbed my fridge and lifted it over the edge so it would fall on him. And after all that heavy lifting, I died of a heart attack.

“Oh that is terrible”, said St Peter as he turned to the next man, “what about you?”

Man 2: well I was on my 25th floor balcony doing some yoga and I fell over the edge! I was hanging on by just my fingers when I saw a man coming over, I was so relieved! But then he started hammering my fingers and I fell in a bush. I was alive but very sore. He then threw a fridge over the edge on to me, and here I am”

“That is just terrible,” said St Peter. “What about you?” He asked man number 3.

Man 3: “Well I was hiding in a fridge”

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Jay Leno

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.
- Jay Leno

Noreen

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked,
"Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"
The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and
room number?”The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said
"Noreen, in Room 302.”

The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse.” After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, "Oh, I have good
news. Her nurse just told me that Noreen is doing very well. Her blood
pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal, and
her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday.”

The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried.
God bless you for the good news.”The operator replied, "You're more
than welcome. Is Noreen your daughter?”

The grandmother said,
"No, I'm Noreen in room 302. No one tells me crap."

--
Nuvi 350 long gone, Nuvi 855LMT, Nuvi 2797LMT, DriveSmart 50 LMT-HD, 3790LMT now my daughters. Using Windows 10. DashCam A108C with GPS.

Leave here with a laugh

When someone tells me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning,” I sleep until noon because I’m a problem solver.

From RV Newsletter

--
johnm405 660 & MSS&T

Will Bring Back Memories

--
johnm405 660 & MSS&T

They told me I’d never be any good at poetry because I’m Dyslexi

But to date I’ve made 3 jugs and a vase and they’re lovely.

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Memories

Beautiful voice. Loved it!

--
-Quest, Nuvi 1390T

Irish

Paddy & Mick find three grenades, so they decide to take them to a police station.
Mick: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two."

--
Nuvi 350 long gone, Nuvi 855LMT, Nuvi 2797LMT, DriveSmart 50 LMT-HD, 3790LMT now my daughters. Using Windows 10. DashCam A108C with GPS.
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