Stupid digital assistant jokes

 

Every now and then my Alexa tells a really stupid joke that's so bad you just want to unplug the unit. As an example today she told this Thanksgiving utterance (I can't call it a joke):

"Why did the cranberry sauce cross the road? To get another side."

Has your digital assistant told you a real stinker? Post them here.

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Illiterate? Write for free help.

yikes.

If you beat Alexa with a hammer and then stomp on it, what crime will you be charged with?

Annoy-icide.

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I never get lost, but I do explore new territory every now and then.

Great

KenSny wrote:

If you beat Alexa with a hammer and then stomp on it, what crime will you be charged with?Annoy-icide.

I wouldn't have one of those 24/7/365 spies anywhere near me.

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Nuvi 350 long gone, Nuvi 855LMT, Nuvi 2797LMT, DriveSmart 50 LMT-HD, 3790LMT now my daughters. Using Windows 10. DashCam A108C with GPS.

Ditto

Melaqueman wrote:

I wouldn't have one of those 24/7/365 spies anywhere near me.

Me either.

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Tampa, FL - Garmin nüvi 660 (Software Ver 4.90), 2021.20 CN NA NT maps | Magellan Meridian Gold

ME EITHER!

ME EITHER!
One of my friends has one. I offered him the use of my lead hammer that was originally for knock-off wheels, and he got offended. He says it keeps him company... Geez, get a life!

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I never get lost, but I do explore new territory every now and then.

Not a Digital Assistant joke but ....

Years ago when my wife first got an iPhone, Siri was an interesting concept. Not an Apple fan myself i thought I'd give her a try. I asked it a question, "Sorry I don't understand" reworded the question a few more times, still no clue, finally I said well what the f*** do you know? Siri said, "Now now".

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. 2 Garmin DriveSmart 61 LMT-S, Nuvi 2689, 2 Nuvi 2460, Zumo 550, Zumo 450, Uniden R3 radar detector with GPS built in, includes RLC info. Uconnect 430N Garmin based, built into my Jeep. .

Hmm

Maybe you got what you deserved.
You know that thing is always listening!!! Maybe that joke was told by someone on your end...lol
One of these days somebody is going to hack it.....there goes your credit card and who knows what else. Remember the cloud got hacked...all those pics ended up on the net.

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2 DriveSmart 65's - We do not live in Igloo's and do not all ride to work on snow mobiles.

.

Melaqueman wrote:
KenSny wrote:

If you beat Alexa with a hammer and then stomp on it, what crime will you be charged with?Annoy-icide.

I wouldn't have one of those 24/7/365 spies anywhere near me.

Do you own a smartphone and or a smart TV? If you do, you've got a 24/7 listening device. Don't tell me they aren't listening to everything you say because I don't believe it at all. Yes, I have an Android phone and I know it is listening to me all the time.

Nope! do not want!!

I won one as a door prize at last year's year-end party. I left it on the counter in the restroom on my way out.

In retrospect, maybe I should have plugged it in while I was in there. twisted

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Garmin nuvi 2455 - nuvi 350, 260 (spares) - my other toys: IMac quad-core i3, Mac Mini, MacOS: Mojave 10.14.6/Catalina 10.15.7. and introducing The Beast, a 2013 Dodge Charger Pursuit and his Garmin DriveSmart 5. The dog's name is Ginger.

Don't think

renegade734 wrote:

I won one as a door prize at last year's year-end party. I left it on the counter in the restroom on my way out.In retrospect, maybe I should have plugged it in while I was in there. twisted

that that would have done a thing. I'd assume it still needs to be configured to your WiFi or Bluetooth settings.

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Nuvi 350 long gone, Nuvi 855LMT, Nuvi 2797LMT, DriveSmart 50 LMT-HD, 3790LMT now my daughters. Using Windows 10. DashCam A108C with GPS.

I am saying this in a nice way

If you have, use, need a "Digital Assistant" you are the "Punch Line" of a joke, lol

really?

chewbacca wrote:

Do you own a smartphone and or a smart TV? If you do, you've got a 24/7 listening device. Don't tell me they aren't listening to everything you say because I don't believe it at all. Yes, I have an Android phone and I know it is listening to me all the time.

I don't own a smart TV, or a smart refrigerator, or a smart washer and dryer, and my car is not connected to wifi.

Can you prove that a smart phone is listening "all the time"? I'm not talking about phone calls, text, etc. If so, point us at a reputable source of that information. Because that is gross invasion of privacy that I'm sure one would agree to.

BTW: Do you have Bixby installed and running? If so, then that is your problem and not mine, because I disable it on my phone.

Do we need to wrap our phones in aluminum foil now?

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I never get lost, but I do explore new territory every now and then.

I'm not a Samsung or Apple

I'm not a Samsung or Apple fan. Whenever I say "Ok Google" to my Android phone, both my phone and my wife's Android phone start listening for commands. I see no difference between that and Alexa. Sure I can disable that feature but it is still a listening device. Your Samsung phone is also a listening device regardless of the settings.

Galaxy S10e The point is the

Galaxy S10e
The point is the it was BEFORE I disabled Bixby.
On my last phone I disabled the OK GOOGLE also. I can key in what I need without help.

I guess that's the difference. Some people like their devices listening all the time and don't want to change that. Some don't and make the effort to change that.

W10 will listen and send to MS if you let it. But it's kinda hard to do if you don't have the mike on all the time.

Enjoy your family additions.

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I never get lost, but I do explore new territory every now and then.

What happened to the jokes?

I came here to find some funny things from Siri and other smart assistant software.

There were a few at the beginning, but after that the thread took a complete different direction. It happens.

I'm still hoping that somebody out there has some jokes to contribute.

JCA

can you spell

jcavaa wrote:

I came here to find some funny things from Siri and other smart assistant software.

There were a few at the beginning, but after that the thread took a complete different direction. It happens.

I'm still hoping that somebody out there has some jokes to contribute.

JCA

High-jacked?

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Illiterate? Write for free help.

The whole

Alexa or whatever thing is the joke!

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Nuvi 350 long gone, Nuvi 855LMT, Nuvi 2797LMT, DriveSmart 50 LMT-HD, 3790LMT now my daughters. Using Windows 10. DashCam A108C with GPS.

dad jokes

I'll stick with Pandora and their 3 or 4 comedy channels

I'll take fluffy over Siri jokes any day

Alexa fish joke

I like this one Alexa told me recently: "Why don't sharks eat clown fish? Because they taste funny."

PS Alexa is truly life changing (especially for those with disabilities) with voice control of almost anything you can think of and for those concerned with privacy, it only activates when you say the wake up word. Furthermore, you can review all of the recordings in the app and purge the history if desired. The reality is even without Alexa, the technology is all around us to collect data already - cameras, internet history, gps location history, credit card purchases, etc. There's a profile out there for all of us, it's the digital age we live in like it or not so might as well embrace it and use it to our advantage in order to save time, money, etc. Even new cars have black boxes which track a variety of things particularly in case of an accident (fine print in the manual - most people have no idea).

Try these for Fun!

01. "What is zero divided by zero?
02. "Beam me up Scotty"
03. "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah"
04. "Can I borrow some money?"
05. "Do you follow the three laws of robotics?"
06. "Do you have a boyfriend?"
07. "Do you have any pets?"
08. "Does Santa Claus exist?
09. "Guess what"
10. "How do I look?"
11. "How many Apple Store Geniuses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
12. "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck of woodchuck could chuck wood"
13. "How old are you?"
14. "I love you"
15. "Are you Her?" (the Movie "her")
16. "I'm drunk"
17. "I'm naked"
18. "I'm sleepy"
19. "Is God real?"
20. "Make me a sandwich"
21. "Mirror Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?"
22. "OK Glass"
23. "Open the pod bay door"
24. "Read me a haiku"
25. "Roll a die"
26. "Say it don't spray it"
27. "Sing me a song"
28. "Stop it"
29. "Take me to your leader"
30. "Talk dirty to me"
31. "Tell me a story"
32. "Testing, testing"
33. "What are you doing later?"
34. "What are you wearing?"
35. "What does the fox say?"
36. "What is ‘Inception’ about?" (The Movie)
37. "What is the best operating system?"
38. "What is the best smartphone?" or "What phone is the best?"
49. "What is the meaning of life?"
40. "What’s your favorite movie?"
41. "What's the best computer?"
42. "What's your favorite animal?"
43. "When will the world end?"
44. "Where did I put my keys?"
45. "Who's your daddy?"
46. "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
47. "Will pigs fly?"
48. "What day of the week is shortest?"

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Bobkz - Garmin Nuvi 3597LMTHD/2455LMT/C530/C580- "Pain Is Fear Leaving The Body - Semper Fidelis"