Factory Joke Thread – April 2026

Did you know 98% of all Harleys ever sold are still on the road?

The other 2% made it home.

Gentleman

A gentleman was cowering in the corner.
Einstein approached him with outstretched hand
and asked his IQ. “Well, my IQ is only 75,”
stated the man quietly. "That’s great as well, my friend,"
stated Einstein, “Where do you think interest rates are headed?”

My grandmother died in the 70s' but her birthday is coming up and it causes me to reminisce.
The long walks we used to take to the shops in town, the 5 cents she gave me for meaningless jobs like pulling weeds or cleaning off the driveway.
Her soothing words when I would get hurt; but the thing I remember most is her sage advice.

Once when I was 13, we were sitting in the park enjoying a cookie and a coke.
She told me that one day I would find a wonderful woman and start my own family.
"Always remember", she said, "be sure you marry a woman with small fingers and hands".

"How come Grandma?" I asked.

She smiled and said gently, "makes your dick look bigger"

Grandma was really special!!

There was an old lady from Sod,
Who thought all babies came from God!
It wasn’t the Allmighty
Who lifted her nighty,
It was Roger, the lodger, by god!

I think they're joking

Wow wow

Was there a telethon that wiped out lumbago?
(Nobody complains about that anymore.)
Maybe that's what Castor Oil cured,
because I never hear mothers threatening kids with Castor Oil anymore.

A social worker who had recently transferred from the big city to the mountains was touring her new territory. While familiarizing herself with her new territory, she came upon a tiny cabin.

Intrigued, she knocked on the door.

"Anybody home?"

A child's voice answered, "Yep."

"Is your Father there?"

"Pa? Nope, he left before Ma came in."

"Well, is your Mother there?"

"Nope, Ma left just before I got here."

Thinking she had a violation to report, she queries... "Are you ever together as a family?"

"Sure, but not here. This is the outhouse!"

Visited the town of Limerick in Ireland last year. There is a sign in town that reads:

The Limerick is furtive and mean
you must keep her in close quarantine
or she sneaks up to the slums
and promptly becomes
disorderly drunk and obscene

If everyone in the United States drove a pink automobile what would we have?

Aa pink carnation!

But only in the mirror.

My bio says I have a corner office with views of the entire city. I drive a $500,000 vehicle and that I'm paid to travel.

My dates are always upset when I tell them I'm a bus driver.

I Like

IRS: You owe us money

ME: How much do I owe?

IRS: You get to figure that out

ME: Can I just pay what I want?

IRS: No, we know exactly how much you owe. You have to guess the number too.

ME: What if I guess wrong?

IRS: Jail

Happy tax day!

Q - How many software designers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A - None. That's a hardware problem.

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded. 'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.'

She looked down at his shoes and said:
'You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!'

But I was fine after I went in for tweetment.

A young boy was in the back yard filling in a hole when his neighbor noticed. "What are you doing?" He asked.

"My goldfish died and I'm burying him". The boy replied.

"Oh, I'm really sorry to hear that, but why such a big hole for a tiny goldfish?" The neighbor asked.

The boy replied "because he's inside your cat".

Goodc One

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

“Thank you, honey”, she says.

“What would you like me to bring back for you?”

He laughs and says, “An Italian girl!”

When the conference is over, he meets her at the airport and asks, “So, honey, how was the trip?”

“Very good,” she replies.

“And what happened to my present?”

“Which present?” she asks.

“The one I asked for... An Italian girl!”

“Oh, that,” she says “Well, I did what I could... Now we'll have to wait nine months to see if it’s a girl.”

when I saw a guy in the water shouting: "Help, shark! Help!"

I chuckled, knowing that the shark probably wasn't going to help.

The shark wasn't going to do more than take a bite or two.

During her physical examination, a doctor asked a retired woman about her physical activity level. The woman said she spent 3 days a week, every week in the outdoors.
"Well, yesterday afternoon was typical; I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through 2 miles of brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I barely avoided stepping on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills.
I went to the bathroom behind some big trees. I ran away from an irate mother bear and then ran away from one angry bull Elk. The mental stress of it all left me shattered. At the end of it all I drank a scotch and three glasses of wine.
Amazed by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one hell of an outdoor woman!"
"No," the woman replied, "I'm just a really, really crap golfer".