Factory Joke Thread – April 2018

 

This is the official POI Factory Joke thread.

It will be closed on the last day of the month and a new one will be opened.

Please read the forum rules before posting.

"POI Factory is not a forum for politically charged debate.
Let's avoid topics that already have a long list of Democrat or Republican talking points or that name specific politicians."

~Angela

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Since you started this..

scott_dog wrote:

Lean beef!

What do you call a girl with 1 leg? Ilean

What do you call a guy with no legs in the water? Bob

What do you call a guy with no legs and no arms on the floor? MAT

What to you call this same guy stuck on a wall? ART

Ok, nuf of that.. back to your regular programming...

--
Bobkz - Garmin Nuvi 3597LMTHD/2455LMT/C530/C580- "Pain Is Fear Leaving The Body - Semper Fidelis"

Ransom

A yuppie was sent a random note saying that he was to bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of the country club at 10 o’clock the next day if he ever wanted to see his wife alive again.
The next day, the man got to the 17th tee at 12:30 p.m., two and a half hours after he was supposed to be there. A masked man stepped out from behind some bushes and growled, “What the hell took you so long? You’re over two hours late!”
“Hey! Give me a break,” whined the yuppie. “I teed off at 9 a.m. and would have been here in time, but I’m a 27-handicap.”

Two Conspiracy Theorists Die...

...as they stand before God waiting to be judged, God tells them that they each may ask him one question they have always wanted to be answered and he would answer it.

One of the conspiracy theorists steps forward and asks “who was REALLY behind 9/11?”

Before God can answer, the second one steps forward and says “can you confirm that vaccines cause autism and tell us who stands to profit from their continued use?”

God replies “9/11 was planned by Osama bin Laden and carried out by members of Al-Qaeda. Vaccines do not cause autism, and the only people profiting from their use are the people who are no longer dying from preventable diseases.”

The two men both look crestfallen. One of them leans over and whispers in the other’s ear... “Dude! This shit goes higher than we ever realized!!”

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

27 handicap???? lol

27 handicap???? lol

Redneck vasectomy

After the birth of their 9th child, a redneck couple decided they'd had enough because they couldn’t afford a larger bed. The husband went to the veterinarian and asked to be snipped. "Me'n my cousin don't want no more kids"

The vet told him he could get a vasectomy, but it was expensive. "There is a cheaper option," said the vet. "Go home, find yourself a cherry bomb, light it up and put it in a Coors Lite can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

“I ain't no rocket surgeon," said the redneck, "but how's that gonna help me?"

“Trust me” said the vet.

So the redneck went home, drained a beer then stuffed a lit cherry bomb in the empty can. He brought it up to his ear and began to count:

“1… 2… 3… 4… 5…”

Once he got to five, he stopped for a second, put the can between his legs, and resumed the count on his other hand.

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Bad pun of the day

Pablo Escobar was being informed on by local children. Mortally wounded by police gunfire, his last words to them were:

"I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you Medellín kids"

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

what about

the one where the wife saw her husband standing on a scale sucking in his stomach, and she tells him that won't help.

He says of course it will, now he can see the numbers.

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