Factory Joke Thread – December 2025

A SOUTHERNER MOVES UP NORTH

Dec 8 5:00PM-It is starting to snow. Not the first of the season, but the first one we have seen in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rums and sat by the picture window watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It is beautiful!!

Dec 9 We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub is covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it. I did both our driveway and the sidewalk. Later a city plow came along and accidently covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved and I waved back and shoveled it away.

Dec 10 It snowed an additional five inches last night and the temperature has dropped to around 11. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the plow came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish-gray.

Dec 11 It warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. I bought snow tires for both cars. Then I fell on my ass in the driveway. I had to pay $145 to the chiropractor, but nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected tonight.

Dec 12 It is still cold! I had to sell the wife's car and buy a 4x4 so she could get to work. She slid into a guardrail anyway and did a considerable amount of damage to the right rear quarter panel. We had another eight inches of the white shit last night. Both vehicles are covered in salt and crud. More shoveling is in store for me today. That Goddamn snowplow had been by twice already today.

Dec 13 2 outside. More @#!&%! snow! There is not a tree or shrub on our property which hasn't been damaged. The power was off most of the night. We tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater which tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to put the flames out but suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands and lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows. The car slid on ice on the way to the emergency room and was totaled.

Dec 14 Goddamn @#!&%! white shit keeps on coming down! I have to put on all the clothes I own just to get to the mailbox. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives the snowplow, I'll chew open his chest and rip out his heart. I think he hides around the corner waiting for me to finish shoveling and then comes down the street about 100 MPH and buries our driveway again! The power is still off. The toilet froze and part of the roof has started to cave in.

Dec 15 Six Goddamn more @#!&%! inches of @#!&%! sleet and @#!&%! ice and God knows what other kind of white @#!&%! shit fell last night! I wounded the @#!&%! snowplow asshole with an ice ax but he got away! My wife left me! The car won't start! I think I am going snowblind! I can't move my toes! I haven't seen the Sun in weeks! More snow predicted! The wind chill is -22 @#!&%! degrees! I'm moving back to North Carolina!

I guess you could say he has a Taipei personality.

What pop star had the big country hit "Paper Roses" in the mid s70's

Answer Below

Marie Osmond

The second day she went missing, I reported it to the police.

Yesterday they called and told me to 'expect the worst'.

So now I'm afraid she might come back!

for another week

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things they predicted yesterday didn't happen today
Laurence J. Peter

A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison."
And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again.
The bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!!!"

01. If a bottle of poison reaches its expiration date, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous

02. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C.

03. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

04. Every time you clean something; you just make something else dirty.

05. The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims".

06. Over 100 years ago, everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

07. If people evolved from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?

08. Why is there a 'D' in fridge, but not in refrigerator?

09. As I've grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but making everyone angry is a piece of cake!

10. I'm responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.

11. Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

12. My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously, there's a new strain out there.

13. It's not my age that bothers me - it's the side effects.

14. I'm not saying I'm old and worn out, but I make sure I'm nowhere near the curb on trash day.

15. As I watch this generation try to rewrite our history, I'm sure of one thing: it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

16. As I've gotten older, people think I've become lazy. The truth is I'm just being more energy-efficient.

17. I haven't gotten anything done today. I've been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.

18. If you find yourself feeling useless, remember: it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.

19. Turns out that being a "senior" is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

20. I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas

21. I'm on two simultaneous diets. I wasn't getting enough food on one.

22. I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

23. My mind is like an internet browser. At least 18 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.

24. Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.

25. My wife says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now.

26. There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest.

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"

“Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

“Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."

“I can understand that" replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce, it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infinities and Lexuses in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Jim? " asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.

She replies back, “Ours is prettier!"

I told my wife that her underwear was way too tight and revealing.

She told me 'Wear your own, then'.

She whispered "They're right behind you."

Thannks for provoking me.

My husband and I are doing a workshop together

He's working and I am Shopping.

My favorite dish?

Brrrr-itos.

They remember stuff that hasn't even happened yet!

"Deja Moo"

Is the feeling you get when you think you've heard this bull before.

Because he couldn't find a date.

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years ago.

Because both had jobs, they found it difficult coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day.

Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. In his room there was a computer, so he decided to send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her address and sent the e-mail without realizing his error.

In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The dearly departed was a minister of many years who had been called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived.
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S... It sure is hot down here!

"I need back up here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."

"Have you arrested the woman?"

"Not yet. The floor's still wet!"

A preacher goes to the dentist for a set of dentures. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he could only talk in the pulpit for five minutes.
The second Sunday, his sermon lasted for ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talked for an hour and 30 minutes. The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.
The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than five minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put in his wife's teeth by mistake and he couldn't shut up.

I'm borrowing this to use at work........

Called to HR in 5..4..3.........