Factory Joke Thread – May 2016

 

This is the official POI Factory Joke thread.

It will be closed on the last day of the month and a new one will be opened.

Please read the forum rules before posting.

"POI Factory is not a forum for politically charged debate.
Let's avoid topics that already have a long list of Democrat or Republican talking points or that name specific politicians."

~Angela

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Frequently Asked Questions

Page 1>>

A duck

A duck walks into a restaurant around lunchtime, sits down and orders a soda and a sandwich.

The bartender looks at him and says, "Wow, a talking duck! What are you doing here?"

The duck replies, "I'm dry-walling the building across the street. I'll be in town for a few days."

The next day, the duck walks back into the bar and the bartender says, "Hey duck, I was telling someone about you last night. They're really interested in meeting with you!"

"Is that so?"

"There's a travelling circus in town," the bartender explained. "The ringmaster was in here last night and thought you'd be a star attraction for them!"

The duck looked puzzled and says, "Why would a circus need a dry-waller?"

--
Illiterate? Write for free help.

What a woman wants

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends."The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if thats all you want, get a TV!"

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Playing house

A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey Tommy, wanna play house?" He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?" The girl replies, "I want you to communicate your thoughts." "Communicate my thoughts?" said a bewildered Tommy. "I have no idea what that means."The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband."

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

THE OLD PILOT

You think you have lived to be 80 plus and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to hell!

An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked,

Are you a real pilot?

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked:

"Are you a real pilot?"

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

alligator attack

Florida woman saves herself in alligator attack using a small Beretta pistol .

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.

What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.... Here is her story in her own words:

"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside of my home in Florida with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open.

The alligator must have been protecting her young and her home because she was extremely aggressive.

If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!

Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took....

The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.

The amount I saved in lawyer’s fees was really incredible.

Hilarious

haha

This remedy is not available in MD.....

All we have are turtles in our ponds.

--
RKF (Brookeville, MD) Garmin Nuvi 660, 360 & Street Pilot

Good One!!

Good One!!

--
Kingston, Tennessee

Golfers Bequest

One day a golfer brought his regular golfing buddies together, and gave them each $50,000 cash and instructed them that upon his death, they were to throw it into the coffin because he wanted to take it with him.
As luck would have it, he died soon after. When the funeral was over, his buddies met.
The doctor in the group said “I have a confession to make. I put in an empty envelope and I used the money to buy equipment for the free clinic.”
The priest said “Me too, only I used the money to help build the youth center.”
Somewhat shocked, the last member of the group, a lawyer, said “I can’t believe you guys went back on your word.”
They asked him if he actually put the $50,000 in the coffin. He replied “I most certainly did….with my very own personal check.”

I have always want an

I have always want an opportunity to do this...unfortunately no one has given me money to put in their coffin (yet). LOL

Jewish Grandma

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?"

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? .........

"What ... You're coming empty handed?"

--
NUVI2555LMT, NUVI350

Irish Blonde

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino.

She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, ...

But all men ... Are men!

--
NUVI2555LMT, NUVI350

A bus full of politicians crashes

A bus full of politicians crashes in a deserted area
there was only one man that could see the accident. The farmer who owns the house nearby heard the noises and goes to take a look, calling the police and ambulance on the way. 30 minutes later a policeman knocks on his door and asks "Where are the people involved in crash?" The farmer says "Don't worry they were all dead so I buried them." The policeman gets confused and asks if he is 100% sure and farmer replies "Yeah some of them said things like "I'm alive, please stop!" but you know the politicians right? They are all liars.

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

A family got a new Lie Detector Machine

A family got a new Lie Detector Machine
The Machine Would buzz whenever a lie was told, so the Father decided to test it out at Dinner. The father asked,
"What did you do with your lunch money today at school,son?"
" I just bought lunch"
The Machine buzzed, and the kid starting sweating as the Mom and Dad looked at him, until finally saying,
"I used it to pay someone I owed money to"
The Machine Buzzed for a second time, so the Son stood up and told the truth.
"Fine, I used it to gamble on a poker game..."
The father scolded him, saying "I never gambled when I was your age!"
And the machine buzzed again. Everyone at the table started laughing. When the laughter cleared up, The mom looked at the father, spoke up and said,
"What can I say? He is your son after all"
And the Machine Buzzed again.

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Happy May

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.
The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Money

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

An angry wife

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked.

"Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied.

So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.

"Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"

"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"

--
johnm405 660 & MSS&T

Funny

That was funny.

--
G.

That was a good one

I actually laughed at that joke.

--
G.

Want some?

rkf wrote:

All we have are turtles in our ponds.

I'll be glad to send you some. We have plenty here in the south.

A Woman Shoots Her Husband

A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor…
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.
“I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”
“Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant.
“No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.”

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Sick

but cute.....

--
Never argue with a pig. It makes you look foolish and it anoys the hell out of the pig!

Dahhhhhh

Every once in a while you receive an email that "warms your heart" and you
just can't wait to pass it along...

A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door.

It is opened by a little ten year-old boy who has a lighted cigar in one
hand, a glass of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse magazine tucked under
his arm.

Salesman: "Hello son. Is your mom or dad home ?"

Little boy: "What the f*** do you think?"

--
GPSmap76Cx handheld, Nuvi 2557LMT, Nuvfi 2598LMTHD

Two men are staring at a pole.

After a while a blonde woman walks up to them and asks them what they are looking at. One of them says, " We are trying to determine the height of the pole." So the blonde quickly opens her purse, removes a spanner, unscrews the bolts and lays the pole flat on the ground. She then pulls out a measuring tape, measures the distance between the two ends, tells it to the two men and walks away.
After hearing this one man tells the other, "What an idiot! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Incompatibility

  A married couple was before a judge seeking a divorce. The husband was about 60 years old and the wife about 24. They were represented by the same lawyer.
  The judge asked the lawyer on what grounds the divorce was being sought.
  "Incompatibility, your Honor" replied the lawyer.
  "Incompatibility?" asked the judge.
  "Yes, your honor," replied the lawyer. "He lost his income and she lost her patability."

i followed it all the way to

Gush wrote:

  patability

The last word... Which I can't seem to sort out.....

--
Never argue with a pig. It makes you look foolish and it anoys the hell out of the pig!

Gorilla Removal

A man came home from work to an escaped gorilla on the roof of his house. He quickly Googled how to remedy this situation and stumbled upon a phone number for a gorilla removal expert. He called. When the expert arrived, he hopped out of his truck with a baseball bat, shotgun and his rottweiler. The expert came over to the homeowner and told him he would climb up on the roof and knock the gorilla off the roof with the baseball bat. When the gorilla landed, the dog would grab on to the gorilla's testicles to subdue it while he restrained it. He then handed the homeowner the shotgun. As the expert started to climb up on to the roof, the homeowner asked what the shotgun was for. The expert told him that if the gorilla knocked him off the roof, shoot the dog.

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

I must have a little lesbian in me as well.

GeoC320 wrote:

You think you have lived to be 80 plus and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to hell!

An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked,

Are you a real pilot?

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked:

"Are you a real pilot?"

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

what I think

HerbSch wrote:

Every once in a while you receive an email that "warms your heart" and you
just can't wait to pass it along...

A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door.

It is opened by a little ten year-old boy who has a lighted cigar in one
hand, a glass of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse magazine tucked under
his arm.

Salesman: "Hello son. Is your mom or dad home ?"

Little boy: "What the f*** do you think?"

I would say no!

--
Using Android Based GPS.The above post and my sig reflects my own opinions, expressed for the purpose of informing or inspiring, not commanding. Naturally, you are free to reject or embrace whatever you read.

The milk bath

Joanne read in Vogue magazine that a milk bath does wonders for your skin. So she wrote a note asking the milkman to leave 100 bottles of milk for her next delivery.

Eddie, the milkman, saw the note, and thought there must be an error in the number of zeros. Therefore he knocked on the door and asked Joanne, to clarify the order. Joanne confirmed that she wants 100 bottles to fill her bath. The milkman then asked, ‘Do you want it pasteurized’ Joanne replied 'No, just up to my neck'.

palatable

BarneyBadass wrote:
Gush wrote:

  patability

The last word... Which I can't seem to sort out.....

palatable or patability

adjective pal·at·able \ˈpa-lə-tə-bəl\

Simple Definition of palatable
- having a pleasant or agreeable taste
- pleasant or acceptable to someone

--
Bobkz - Garmin Nuvi 3597LMTHD/2455LMT/C530/C580- "Pain Is Fear Leaving The Body - Semper Fidelis"

Oh come on

Don't try to get the definition of "patability" from a dictionary. The guy has no "income" and therefore she has lost her ability or inclination to be "patable" or patted.

good morning!

good morning!

A proud Man !!!!

The old Pilot ..

You think you have lived to be 80 plus and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to hell!

An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked,
Are you a real pilot?
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?
She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked:
"Are you a real pilot?"
He replied, 'I always thought I WAS, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

--
GPSmap76Cx handheld, Nuvi 2557LMT, Nuvfi 2598LMTHD

Car Keys

After a meeting several days ago, I couldn't find my keys. I quickly gave myself a personal "TSA Pat Down.

They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition.

He's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right.

The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband: "I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."
There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice.

"Are you kidding me?" *he barked, "I dropped you off!"*

Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

He retorted, *"I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn't steal your damn car!"

Welcome to the golden years...

what's the matter?

BarneyBadass wrote:
Gush wrote:

  patability

The last word... Which I can't seem to sort out.....

It doesn't feel right or something?

--
Illiterate? Write for free help.

Good One

Good One

A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight...

After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.
Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man answers the phone, puts it on speaker, and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2016 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too." The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Arriving home very drunk

A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home."

The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.

The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

I didn't get any money this time

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.

Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"

"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."

"Gee, that's tough," he replied.

"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."

"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."

"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."

"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."

"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

You looked a lot like my wife

A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."

"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.

"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Three construction workers are sitting down for lunch

Three construction workers are sitting down for lunch on the roof.....
The first construction workers says, "I swear to god if my wife packed me another bologna sandwich I'm going to kill my self by jumping off this roof." He opens his lunch and there is a bologna sandwich. He goes and jumps off the roof.
The second construction worker says, "If my wife packed me cold pizza for lunch again I'm going to kill my self by jumping off this roof." He opens his lunch and there's cold pizza. He goes and jumps off the roof.
The third construction worker says to himself, "If my wife packed me a fish sandwich I too will jump off this roof and kill my self." He opens his lunch and there is a fish sandwich. He follows suite and jumps off and kills himself.
Later on the three wives meet at the cemetery after the funerals.
The wife of the first construction worker says while crying, "If only I would have packed him a turkey sandwich he would still be here with me."
The wife of the second construction worker is also crying. "If only I would have packed him meatloaf instead he would still be here."
The third wife is just standing there looking frustrated with a more confused look. The other two look at her and ask her why she isn't crying and wishing she packed his lunch a different way.
"Don't look at me the dumbass packs his own lunch."

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Q & A time

Q: How does a sailor remove a used condom?
A: He farts.

--
"No misfortune is so bad that whining about it won't make it worse."

Good One!!!

Good One!!!

--
Kingston, Tennessee

Better to buy your lunch...

Especially if you are a dumbass! lol

Timantide wrote:

Three construction workers are sitting down for lunch on the roof.....
The first construction workers says, "I swear to god if my wife packed me another bologna sandwich I'm going to kill my self by jumping off this roof." He opens his lunch and there is a bologna sandwich. He goes and jumps off the roof.
The second construction worker says, "If my wife packed me cold pizza for lunch again I'm going to kill my self by jumping off this roof." He opens his lunch and there's cold pizza. He goes and jumps off the roof.
The third construction worker says to himself, "If my wife packed me a fish sandwich I too will jump off this roof and kill my self." He opens his lunch and there is a fish sandwich. He follows suite and jumps off and kills himself.
Later on the three wives meet at the cemetery after the funerals.
The wife of the first construction worker says while crying, "If only I would have packed him a turkey sandwich he would still be here with me."
The wife of the second construction worker is also crying. "If only I would have packed him meatloaf instead he would still be here."
The third wife is just standing there looking frustrated with a more confused look. The other two look at her and ask her why she isn't crying and wishing she packed his lunch a different way.
"Don't look at me the dumbass packs his own lunch."

Sipping Vodka

A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done. The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip..."

So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said,"Take this and eat it for this is my body.." He did not say, "Eat me."
12) The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.
13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

When Insults had Class...

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

I love my windmill

I love my windmill smile

--
DriveSmart 50, DriveSmart 60, nuvi 2595, nuvi 3760,

Great Quotes

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL500." - Lynn Lavner

"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married." - George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." - Sharon Stone

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." - Tiger Woods

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." - Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." - Barbara Bush

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." - Robin Williams

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." - Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" - Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked!" - Jerry Seinfeld

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time." - Robin Williams

"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom." - Joan Rivers

Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy. - Steve Martin

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for later in life. - Elmo Phillips

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same." - Oscar Wilde

sipping Vodka

#12 almost made me spit out my coffee...

--
Garmin Nuvi 2699 with 2017.30 Maps
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