This is the official POI Factory Joke thread.
It will be closed on the last day of the month and a new one will be opened.
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"POI Factory is not a forum for politically charged debate.
Let's avoid topics that already have a long list of Democrat or Republican talking points or that name specific politicians."
Bob was sitting on the plane waiting to fly to Detroit, when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear.
"What's the matter?" Bob asked.
"I've been transferred to Detroit - I've heard the people are crazy there. They've got lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor public schools, and the highest crime rate in the nation."
Bob replied, "I've lived in Detroit all my life. It's not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, and enroll your kids in a nice private school. It's as safe a place as anywhere in the world."
The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death. But if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck."
Two young men from up in Minnesota were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models.
Ole says to the Sven "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?"
Sven replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!"
Ole says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one."
Sven smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too."
Three weeks later, Sven asks his friend Ole, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?"
Ole replies, "No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"
Wife comes back from the doctor and says to her husband:
- Honey, I have a sad news - a gynecologist told me not have sex for a three weeks...
- And what dentist said
A blonde finds herself in serious trouble.
Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's desperate, so she decides to ask God for help.
She-begins to pray... 'God, please help me. I've lost my business and if Idon't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery.'
Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.
She again prays... 'God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well.'
Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.
Once again, she prays... 'My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving.
I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You.
PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order.'
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open.
The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself....
'Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket.'
My ex-wife died, so in her honor, I poured a bottle of fine 12-year old scotch on her grave.
But first I filtered it through my kidneys.
They are greeted by st. Peter at the pearly gates. He welcomes them and then says "But be careful, there are lots of ducks in heaven. If you step on any you will be punished". The girls go in and the first one steps on a duck right away and the ugliest man in existence gets chained to her for eternity. The second girl steps on a duck after about a week and the second ugliest man is chained to her for eternity. The third girl, however, never steps on a duck and the most beautiful man she had ever seen was chained to her. "What did I do to deserve such a nice thing?" she asks God. God looks at her and says, "He stepped on a duck."
This actually happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk...
A French policeman stops the Englishman's car and asks if he has been drinking.
With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married that morning, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception, and many single malts scotches thereafter.
Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alcohol-test (breath test) the Englishman and verifies that he is indeed totally sloshed.
He asks the Englishman if he knows why, under French Law, he is going to be arrested?
The Englishman answers with a bit of humor, "No sir, I do not! But while we're asking questions, do you realize that this is a British car and that my wife is driving . . . . . on the other side?"
I've happily sat in the wrong seat a few times and wondered where the steering wheel was, and wasn't even drunk as an excuse.
I love reading all the jokes every month!
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but you mean your mother.
Two egotists meet. It's an I for and I.
If you get a fruit basket from your psychiatrist it will probably be shrink-wrapped.
What fast food do psychiatrists like? Kentucky Freud Chicken.
A patient ran into his analyst's office screaming "I'm a teepee! I'm a wigwam!" and was told: "Relax, you're two tents."
Talking of psychology, does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
I was driving down the street this morning and a stupid goose flew out in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to swerve or stop and ran right into him. It must've hit at the right angle because sure enough, the goose bounced off the hood of my car, popped up, and smacked straight into a police car's windshield right behind me.
Immediately his lights went on and I got pulled over. I'm a bit pissed off at this point when the officer walks over to my car. He proceeds to ask if I knew why he pulled me over and after a shrug he looks down and says, it's for flipping him the bird.
Joke of the week
True story: An assignment in a creative writing class at Slippery Rock University required students to write a concise essay containing the following elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery. The winning essay: "My God," said the Queen. "I am pregnant! I wonder who did it?"
Source is RV Travel Newsletter
A young man was wandering, lost, in a forest when he came upon a small house.
Knocking on the door he was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long,
grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay
a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."
"OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well,
and entered the house. Before dinner the daughter came down the stairs.
She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal.
Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone.
But during the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest.
Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read,
"Chinese Torture 1:
Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about."
He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out.
As he did so he noticed another note on it that read "Chinese Torture 2:
Rock tied to left testicle."
In a panic he glanced down and saw the line that was already getting close to taut.
Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped
out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read,
"Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."
are worth reading.
That that one was funny.
Two Marines boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an Army soldier got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Marines. The Soldier kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Marine in the window seat said, “I think I’ll get up and get a coke.” “No problem,” said the Soldier, “I’ll get it for you.” While he was gone, the Marine picked up the Soldier’s shoe and spit in it. When the Soldier returned with the coke, the Marine in the middle seat said, “That looks good, I think I’ll have one too.” Again, the Soldier obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Marine picked up the soldier’s other shoe and spit in it. The Soldier returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the rest of the short flight to Houston. As the plane was landing, the Soldier slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. “How long must this go on?” the Soldier asked. “This fighting between our services? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?”
After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin.
In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks into it. Not ever having seen a mirror before, he remarked at the image staring back at him. 'How 'bout that! he exclaims, 'Here's a picture of my Fadder .'
He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn't like his father, so he hung it in the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishing, he would go there and look at it.
His wife began to get suspicious of his many trips to the shed. So, one day after her husband left, she went to the shed and found the mirror.
As she looked into the glass, she fumed, 'So that's the ugly bitch he's running around with.'
The golfer guessed that his ball landed 20 feet off the fairway. Of course, that was just a rough estimate.
Your golf addiction is driving a wedge between us.
A golfer bought two pairs of pants, just in case he got a hole in one.
Two fur traders once took a golfing trip together. They played a skins match.
A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen.
The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman.
The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."
ON JULY 20, 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON.
HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON,
"THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND," WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY MILLIONS.
BUT, JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK "GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY."
MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGHT IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK CONCERNING SOME RIVAL SOVIET COSMONAUT.
HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY IN EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR AMERICAN SPACE PROGRAMS ..
OVER THE YEARS, MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE 'GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY' STATEMENT MEANT, BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED.
ON JULY 5, 1995, IN TAMPA BAY , FLORIDA , WHILE ANSWERING QUESTIONS FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD QUESTION ABOUT Mr. Gorsky TO ARMSTRONG.
THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED BECAUSE HIS MR. GORSKY HAD JUST DIED,SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD NOW ANSWER THE QUESTION. HERE IS THE ANSWER TO
"WHO WAS MR. GORSKY":
IN 1938, WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MID-WESTERN TOWN , HE WAS PLAYING BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD.
HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S YARD BY THEIR BEDROOM WINDOW. HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY.
AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY,
"SEX! YOU WANT SEX?! YOU'LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!"
It broke the place up. NEIL ARMSTRONG'S FAMILY CONFIRMED THAT THIS IS A TRUE STORY.
but sorry, I just can read all those cap's.
Hurt from all that YELLING
Keep it down, some of us are trying to sleep.
Huh? I just nodded off...lol
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom...
...until they are flashing behind you.
The man says I think I'm getting nearsighted. So the doc sits him down and gives the man an eye exam. The doctor pulls up a chart of letters, asking the man to read each line util he can't make out the letters. The man gets to about the 3rd line when he starts to have problems, and he can't read the next line at all. Next, the doctor brings up pictures of real life objects. First picture comes up-- "That looks like a fingerprint.. And that's someone far away in the desert"..
"Male of female?" . "I can't tell", "OK, let's move along"
"Um, that one looks like a naked butt Doc."
"Male or female"
"Definitely a male butt"
"Ok sir, that concludes the test."
"So what's my diagnosis doc?"
"Well you're a little nearsighted, but your hindsight is 20/20".
While a "cute" story (and despite the many references out there - including youtube) the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" thing is an urban myth.
The older we get the wiser we become.
We've disconnected our home alarm system and quit our candy-ass Neighborhood Watch.
Bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front yard, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the center.
Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7.
I've never felt safer and we're saving $49.95 a month!
Ouch! All that text in all caps... ☹
A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his unholstered pistol and yelled, "I have a .45 Colt with an eight round clip and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife."
A voice from the back of the room called out, "You don't have enough ammo!"
Husband went to the sheriff's department to report that his wife was missing.
Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home...
Sergeant: What is her height?
Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant: Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
Sergeant: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.
Sergeant: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: A 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine, special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, which has a matching aftermarket bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and "Bubba" floor mats. Trailer package with gold hitch and special wiring hook-ups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver, 23-channel CB radio, six cup holders, a USB port, and four power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. It has custom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting.
At this point the husband started choking up.
Sergeant: Don't worry buddy. We'll find your truck.
Q: Who’s a penguin’s favorite relative?
A: Aunt Arctica!
Q: What do penguins eat for lunch?
Q: What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Q: Where do penguins go swimming?
A: At the South Pool!
A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first
Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.
The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following
Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.
The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and
They asked him what happened.
The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't
Talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much
To talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his
Wife's' teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up...
Now I wasn't expecting that!
While a "cute" story (and despite the many references out there - including youtube) the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" thing is an urban myth.
But Wally Schirra (Mercury 8 astronaut) did say to JFK, "You bet your sweet ass I am!"
During a physical, the doctor asked the patient about his daily activity level
He described a typical day this way:
“Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake,
drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush,
jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake,
marched up and down several rocky hills,
stood in a patch of poison ivy,
crawled out of quicksand
and took four leaks behind big trees.”
Inspired by the story, the doctor said,
“You must be one hell of an outdoor man!”
”NAH,” he replied, “I'm just a terrible golfer.”
Even though his driver and woods had been stolen, the golfer continued to play 72 straight holes for charity. He was truly an ironman.
He said he’d been golfing but smelled like the ocean. Something fishy was up.
He was teed off with his bad start, driving the ball almost beyond the green, but he was able to putt it behind him.
If you crash into a Volkswagen Golf, does that make a hole in one?
A grandmother is giving directions to her grown
Grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartments.
I am in apartment 301.
There Is a big panel at the front door.
With your elbow, push button 301.
I will Buzz you in.
Come inside and the elevator is on the right.
Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor.
When you get out, I'm on the left.
With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?"
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my
"What. You're coming empty handed?"
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.
A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter.
When all eyes stared at him, he said, “I’m sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral … I’m a gynecologist.”
The proctologist fainted.
So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt.
Well, it's what he would have wanted.
A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips.” The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “Me, too, I didn’t know we had a choice.”
...outrageous! More please!
What a story
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