Factory Joke Thread – August 2023

A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. 'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la Casa.''Pencil,'however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.' A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?' Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1 - No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2 - The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3 - Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4 - As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

One morning, a husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes the Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'isn’t that obvious?')

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her. 'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.' 'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start fishing at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman. ‘But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.

‘That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.' 'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

MORAL:
Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

It’s good to be here… but at 98, it’s good to be anywhere.
George Burns

I Told My Doctor I Wanna Stop Aging; He Gave Me A Gun.
Rodney Dangerfield

After the flood, Noah sent forth the animals with the admonitions, “Each of you multiply, and one year hence meet here to show your accomplishments.”

One year later, the animals assembled. All had multiplied except two little snakes. Noah, not the least discouraged, ordered trees to be cut and a table made of logs. Then he said, “All go forth and multiply once again, and one year hence meet with me here.”

When the animals met at the end of the year, all, including the snakes, had multiplied. Amazed, Noah’s wife asked how he knew what to do to have the snakes multiply.

“Well,” said Noah, “they were adders, and anyone knows that adders can’t multiply without a log table.”

Atoms are nature’s pixels.

Couldn't find one anywhere.

The glass is half full/empty question depends on if it was filled to half or drank to half

1. It’s weird being the same age as old people.

2. When I was a kid, I wanted to be older…
this was not what I was expecting.

3. If you can’t think of the right word say, “I can’t
think of the English word for it.” That way people
will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.

4. You don’t realize how old you really are until you
sit on the floor and try to get up.

And here I thougt the "Joke Thread" was http://www.poi-factory.com/node/53324.

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, her husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.

"How long will this take?" she asks..

"They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies.

The wife stops. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat the husband says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"

Wow

A plane was taking off from New York Airport. After it reached a cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 123, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax – OH, MY GOD!”

Silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, “Ladies and Gentlemen I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!”

A passenger in Economy said, “that’s nothing. He should see the back of mine!”

Just couldn't focus.

If Adam and Eve were Cajuns they would have eaten the snake instead of the Apple and saved us all a lot of trouble.

Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He is from India and is very concerned about my car warranty.

I choked on a carrot this morning, and all I could think of was, "I'll bet a doughnut wouldn't have done this to me."

Nothing spoils a good story more than the arrival of an eyewitness. (Mark Twain)

It only takes one slow-walking person in the grocery store to destroy the illusion that I'm a nice person.

Sorry that I'm late. I got here as soon as I wanted to!

It turns out that when asked who your favorite child is, you're supposed to pick out one of your own. I know that now.

I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's seven years in a row, now.

If you drop something when you were younger, you just picked it up. When you're older and you drop something, you stare at it for just a bit contemplating if you actually need it anymore.

I like to make lists. I also like to leave them laying on the kitchen counter, and then guess what's on the list when I am at the store.

Ask your doctor if a drug with 32 pages of side-effects is bad for you.

Apparently RSVPing to a wedding invitation with "Maybe next time" isn't the correct response.

Instead of cleaning my house, I just watch an episode of "The Hoarders," and think, "Wow! My house looks great."

I didn't do anything!

We celebrated last night with a couple of adult beverages…Metamucil and Ensure.

Father O’Flannagan dies due to old age. Upon entering St. Peter’s gate, there is another man in front of him in the queue waiting to go into heaven. St. Peter asks the man, “What is your name what did you accomplish during your life?”

The man responds “My name is Joe Cohen, and I was a New York city taxi driver for 14 years!”

“Very well,” says St. Peter, “Here is your silk robe and golden scepter, now you may walk in the streets of our Lord.”

St. Peter looks at the Father, and asks “What is your name and what did you accomplish?”

He responds, “I’m Father O’Flannagan, and have devoted the last 62 years to the Lord.”

“Very well,” says St. Peter, “Here is your cotton robe and wooden staff, you may enter.”

“Wait a minute,” says O’Flannagan, “You gave the taxi driver a silk robe and golden scepter, why did I only get a cotton robe and wooden staff?”

“Well,” St. Peter replied, “We work on a performance scale. While you preached, everyone slept, but when he drove taxis, everyone prayed!”

OK, that might be a bit of a stretch.

For those of you that don’t want Alexa listening in on your conversation they are making a male version….it doesn’t listen to anything.