Factory Joke Thread – July 2024

 

This is the official POI Factory Joke thread.

Please read all the forum rules before posting, and keep in mind...

"POI Factory is not a forum for politically charged debate.
Let's avoid topics that already have a long list of Democrat or Republican talking points or that name specific politicians."

This thread will be closed on the last day of the month and a new one will be opened.

~Angela

Willie And Molly

Willie and Molly in the sands
Engaged in youthful follies
The sun shone hot on Willie's back
The sand was hot ta Molly's

--
johnm405 660 & MSS&T

Where do tomatoes go on a date night?

The salad bar.

I think that tree has an AOL account.

I just saw it log in.

Willie And Molly

Yes

What You Call A Pig That Knows Karate?

A pork chop!

the gate

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremony of the Summer Olympics, but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate.
Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a stern refusal.
While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon a construction site, which gave him an idea. Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said, “Johnson, the pole vault,” and was admitted.
The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site. When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said, “McTavish, the hammer.” He was also admitted.
The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up, when he spotted his ticket in. Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced, “O'Sullivan, fencing.”

One Liners

• “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

• "I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy."

• "I'll never forget my grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. "Are you still holding the ladder?""

• Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
Dad: “Call me George.”

I was going to tell a construction joke

but I'm still working on it.

Ha ha

scott_dog wrote:

but I'm still working on it.

grin

--
With God, all things are possible. ——State motto of the Great State of Ohio

Pro Tip:

Pro Tip:
Save business cards of people you don't like. If you ever hit a parked car accidentally just write, "Sorry" on the back and leave it under the windshield.

--
GPSMAP 76CSx - nüvi 760 - nüvi 200 - GPSMAP 78S

Politically related

If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
~Jay Leno~

The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
~Henry Cate, VII~

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
~Aesop~

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
~Nikita Khrushchev~

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.
~Clarence Darrow~

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.
~Author unknown~

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
~John Quinton~

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
~Oscar Ameringer~

I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.
~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952~

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
~ Tex Guinan~

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
~Charles de Gaulle~

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
~Doug Larson~

There ought to be one day -- just one -- when there is open season on senators.
~Will Rogers~

The only thing Golden about California is the urine on the sidewalks.
~ Ed Hayes~

--
John from PA

I only remember 25 letters in the alphabet ...

I don't know why.

Some of the artists of the '60s are revising their hits...

...with new lyrics to accommodate baby boomers.

They include:

1. Herman's Hermits--- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker

2. The Bee Gees--- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.

3. Bobby Darin--- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.

4. Ringo Starr--- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.

5. Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.

6. Johnny Nash--- I Can't See Clearly Now.

7. Paul Simon--- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver.

8. The Commodores--- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.

9. Marvin Gaye--- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.

10. Procol Harem - A Whiter Shade of Hair.

11. Leo Sayer--- You Make Me Feel Like Napping.

12. The Temptations--- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.

13. Abba--- Denture Queen.

14. Tony Orlando--- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.

15. Helen Reddy--- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snor e.

16. Willie Nelson--- On the Commode Again

17. Leslie Gore--- It's My Procedure and I'll Cry If I Want To.

--
John from PA

Most of us have reached

The Metal years !

Silver in your hair
Gold in your teeth
and lead in your pencil !

--
Nuvi 2797LMT, DriveSmart 50 LMT-HD, Using Windows 10. DashCam A108C with GPS.

Devious

thrak wrote:

Pro Tip:
Save business cards of people you don't like. If you ever hit a parked car accidentally just write, "Sorry" on the back and leave it under the windshield.

Devious but clever. Well played.

Phil

--
"No misfortune is so bad that whining about it won't make it worse."

Is it "complete", "finished", or "completely finished"?

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words - "Complete" or "Finished".

In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.

The final question was: 'How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand?' Some contestants said there was no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.

Here is his astute answer: "When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"

He won a trip around the world and a case of 25-year old Scotch worth $9,000.00 for the case of 6.