Factory Joke Thread – January 2022

Good One!!!!

Two friends, Sam and Terry, are spending the day together.

As they are walking home down an empty street, they find themselves at gunpoint with a mugger asking for their wallets.

As they take out their wallets Sam says "One sec" He takes a 20 out of his wallet and gives it to Terry. "Here's the 20 I owe you".

Something to think about today as you are sitting down.

1. The inventor of the treadmill died at the age of 54

2. The creator of gymnastics died at the age of 57

3. The world bodybuilding champion died at the age of 41

4. The best footballer in the world Maradona, died at the age of 60.

5. James Fuller Fixx is credited with helping start America's fitness revolution by popularizing the sport of running died of a heart attack while jogging at 52 years of age.

BUT

5. The KFC creator died at 94.

6. Inventor of Nutella brand died at the age of 88

7. Cigarette maker Winston died at the age of 102

8. The inventor of opium died at the age of 116 in an earthquake

9. And the Hennessey Liquor inventor died at 98.

How did doctors come to the conclusion that exercise prolongs life?

The rabbit is always jumping up and down but it lives for only 2 years and the turtle that doesn't exercise at all, lives 400 years.

So, take some rest, chill, stay cool, eat, drink and enjoy your life.

Like this one more my lifestyle. LOL

Why couldn’t the sailor learn his alphabet?
He kept getting lost at C.

From RV Travel newsletter

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the nicest house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”

The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?”

The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.

The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”

The man replied, “She should, she was standing on it.”

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

“You’re finished already?” he asked.

“Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
“And by the way…” the blonde added, “it’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died

He pasta way

I’m proud to announce I have stuck to my New Year’s resolution and did not bite my nails the entire month of January.
My feet have never looked better.

You can say what you want, but dry January is quite a success in Australia.
It will be 20 years since I last had a drink on the 5th of January.
I drink on all of the other days.

My wife’s panties are lablled ‘Monday’, ‘Tuesday’, ‘Wednesday’ …
My underwear is labeled ‘January’, February’, ‘March’

Dry January is going really well.
Even if everyone keeps saying that I need to shower.

Yesterday I had an appointment to see the urologist for a Prostate exam. Of course I was a bit on edge because all my friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted.......

The waiting room was filled with patients.

As I approached the receptionist's desk, I noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. I gave her my name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their headsaround to look at me, a now very embarrassed man.

But as usual, I recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,
'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."

The room erupted in applause!

DON'T MESS WITH OLD RETIRED GUYS

Did you here about the shrimp that went to the prawns cocktail party..

He pulled a mussel.

Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day
Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight.
While en route home, he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.
The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the act.
For $100, the cabby agrees.
Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom.
The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back, and there is his wife in bed with another man!
The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head.
The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money‚
HE paid for the Porsche I gave you.
HE paid for our new cabin cruiser.
HE paid for your season Redskin tickets.
HE paid for our house at the lake.
HE paid for your Hawaiian golf vacation.
HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!'
Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun.
He looks over at the cabby and says, 'What would you do?
The cabby replies, 'I'd cover him with that blanket before he catches a cold.

I Like

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.

So I went to a shrink and told him: “I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”

“Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”

“How much do you charge?”

“Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.

“I'll sleep on it,” I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.

“Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480.00.. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck.”

“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now.”

It's always better to get a second opinion.

Speaking of cars, your attention is directed to https://autoliterate.blogspot.com/2019/04/watch-out-for-thos....

Too bad we can’t insert images…

My Missus said she wanted to spice up our sex life with some role-playing .She wanted me to be a doctor and she was going to be my patient? I agreed so i've given her a phone appointment next Thursday at 11am.

What is yours to own, yet others use it more?

Answer: your name.

From RV Travel Newsletter

A recent study found that one-fifth of people are too tense.

"What is your father's occupation?" asked the school secretary, filling in the forms at the start of the new year.

"He's a magician" said the small boy.

"How interesting! What's his favorite trick?"

"Sawing people in half".

"Really? Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?"

"Yes, one half-brother and two half-sisters".

We used to eat cake right after someone blew all over it.
Wild times

A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

As you near the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasant aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

I don't buy toilet paper there any more.

PREGNANT BLONDE

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
I wonder if it's mine.