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Let's avoid topics that already have a long list of Democrat or Republican talking points or that name specific politicians."
This morning, my wife was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast and as I walked in, she turned to me and said, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!" My eyes lit up and I thought, "This is my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I didn't waste any time at all and I gave her a banging right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards, she said, "Thanks." and returned to the stove.
More than a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She chuckled, "The egg timer's broken."
Hmmmm...was that for a one minute or three minute egg?
One lady golfer was a determined, if not very proficient, player. At each swipe she made at the ball, earth flew in all directions.
“Gracious me,” she exclaimed red-faced to her caddie, “the worms will think there’s been an earthquake.”
“I don’t know,” replied the caddie, “the worms around here are very clever. I’ll bet most of them are hiding underneath the ball for safety.”
A true Story from an Irish Sunday School Teacher
I was testing children
in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of
getting to heaven.
'I asked them, ' If I
sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the
church, would that get me into heaven?'
'NO!' the children
'If I cleaned the church
every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me
Again, the answer was
'If I gave sweets to all
the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into
Again, they all answered
I was just bursting with
pride for them. I continued, 'Then how can I get into heaven?'
A little boy shouted
out: 'YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN' DEAD.'
It's a curious race, the
Irish. Brings a tear to the eye, doesn't it?
A kindergarten student told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her student. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?!?!" the teacher yelled in shock. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
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