Factory Joke Thread – August 2016

..so they go to see a priest for advice. The priest tells them they came at the right time, since his superior just sent him to Rome for 10 years, and he's leaving tomorrow.
'As soon as I'll get there, I'll immediatly light a candle for you,' he promises.
Time passes and the priest returns to the little town after 10 years. The first thing he does is visit the couple's home. He can hear a crazy loud noise when he knocks on the door. The wife opens the door; three little children on her arms, a couple of them hiding under her skirt, and others behind her playing around. The priest counts as many as ten of them!
'Well this is quite a pleasant surprise,' exclaims the priest. 'It seems like God listened to my prayer. But where is your dear husband?'
'My husband travelled to Rome,' says the wife with a tired look on her face.
'To Rome? Why on earth would he go to Rome?'
'To blow out that bloody candle you lit!'

I have grandchildren playing college basketball, high school softball & little league baseball, so I get witness this first hand.

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.
He took out a business card, wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, 'Genesis 3:10..'
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins 'Behold, I stand at the door and knock.'
Genesis 3:10 reads, 'I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.'

The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at the airport by a limousine. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, ''You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?'' The driver is understandably hesistant and says, ''I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm supposed to do that.'' But the pope persists, ''Please?'' The driver finally lets up. ''Oh, all right, I can't really say no to the pope.'' So the pope takes the wheel, and boy, is he a speed demon! He hits the gas and goes around 100 mph in a 45 zone. A policeman notices and pulls him over. The cop walks up and asks the pope to roll down the window. Startled and surprised, the young officer asks the pope to wait a minute. He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief. Cop: ''Chief, I have a problem.'' Chief: ''What sort of problem?'' Cop: ''Well, you see, I pulled over this guy for driving way over the speed limit but it's someone really important.'' Chief: ''Important like the mayor?'' Cop: ''No, no, much more important than that.'' Chief: ''Important like the governor?'' Cop: ''Wayyyyyy more important than that.'' Chief: ''Like the president?'' Cop: ''More.'' Chief: ''Who's more important than the president?'' Cop: ''I don't know, but he's got the pope DRIVING for him!''

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing." The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she would have then asked, "About what?" At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would just lead to more questions.

Finally I pondered the age old question: What IS more painful, a woman giving birth or a man getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they possibly know?

Well, after another beer, and more contemplative thinking, I think I've come up with the answer. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful. And even though there's no way I can know for sure, here's my reasoning: A year or two after a woman has a baby, she'll often say, "It sure would be nice to have another baby."

On the other hand, have you ever heard a guy say, "You know, it sure would be nice to have another kick in the nuts?"

And there you have it. I rest my case.

A navy captain is alerted by his First Mate that there is a pirate ship coming towards his position. He asks a sailor to get him his red shirt.

The captain was asked, “Why do you need a red shirt?”
The Captain replies, “So that when I bleed, you guys don’t notice and aren’s discouraged.” They fight off the pirates eventually.

The very next day, the Captain is alerted that 50 pirate ships are coming towards their boat. He yells, “Get me my brown pants!”

Thats
funny

Good one...

King Toobo lived deep in the jungle in a sprawling grass house. He was loved by his people. On his fiftieth birthday, his loyal tribe wanted to present him with a fabulous throne from which he could rule.
All the craftsmen and artisans of the land gathered in the village and tried to decide on who would have the honor of making this fine gift for their leader. The one who made such a gift would go down in history as a great person. After hours of discussion and some heated debate, they still could not decide who would have the honor of creating this gift. They decided on a contest. The metal-workers would work together to create a throne of metal, the stone masons one of stone and cement and the carpenters would work with wood.
On the day of King Toobo's birthday, the entire tribe showed up to witness the marvels that had been created by the finest craftsmen in the land, and, in the center of the village stood three thrones. They were all anxious to see which Toobo would pick.
First, the carpenters presented their wooden throne. Toobo sat in it for a moment and then stood and spoke. "I cannot use this throne," he explained. "In the rainy weather it will get wet and moldy." Then he ordered two servants to stow it in the attic of his grass house. They struggled under the weight and wondered if the grass floor would hold the throne.
The masons brought forth the stone throne. "I cannot use this throne either," the king said sadly. "In the winter it will be too cold." He ordered the servants to stow it in his attic. The rafters began to groan from the weight of the two thrones.
The steel workers brought their present to the king. Toobo shook his head and denied the gift. "In the hot days of summer," he told them, "it will be too hot." The servants immediately scurried off up to the attic with the steel throne. Even Toobo could hear the beams and rafters groaning.
Later that night, just into his fiftieth year, the weight of the three thrones broke the beams above the king as he sat at his birthday feast, dropping their full weight on him and the merry tribe members he had invited to celebrate with him. King Toobo died from his injuries early that morning.
Many came to sing his praises and tell stories of his greatness after his death. A huge headstone was carved by the stone masons with the date of his birth, the date of his death and, of course, the saying that could have saved his life: "people who live in grass houses should not stow thrones."
Rest in Peace King Toobo.

A man saw a baby elephant in the woods limping. Getting him to raise his leg, the man pulled a large thorn out of the baby's foot.
Years later, the man was at a circus and one of the elephants kept looking at him and getting all excited.
"Could it be him?" the man wondered.
So the man went up to the elephant gate and the elephant reached over with his trunk. He grabbed the man with his trunk AND SLAMMED HIM AGAINST THE WALL, killing him instantly.
I guess it wasn't the same elephant.

Goldie was sitting on a beach in Florida, attempting to strike up a conversation with the attractive gentleman reading on the blanket beside hers.
"Hello, sir." she said "Do you like movies?"
"Yes, I do." he responded, then returned to his book.
Goldie persisted. "Do you like gardening?"
The man again looked up from his book.
"Yes, I do." he said politely before returning to his reading.
Undaunted, Goldie asked. "Do you like pussycats?"
With that, the man dropped his book and pounced on Goldie, ravaging her as she'd never been ravaged before.
As the cloud of sand began to settle, Goldie dragged herself to a sitting position and panted, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man thought for a moment and replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"

Good One!!

The phone rings, a woman answers, "Hello".
A pervert, with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tight ass with no hair!"

The woman replies,
"Yes I do, he's watching golf - who shall I say is calling?"

The phone rings, a woman answers, "Hello".
A pervert, with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tight ass with no hair!"

The woman replies,
"Yes I do, he's watching golf - who shall I say is calling?"

On one of Soupy Sales' shows he reported the following:

"Took my girlfriend to a ball game...! I kissed her between the strikes, and she kissed me between the balls."

I recently watched my wedding video backwards

This made me laugh! Thanks!

A woman and her twelve-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit.
It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.
"Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?"

"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied.

The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the Truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money."
The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?"
His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes".
After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?"

She said, "Most of them become taxi drivers."

A wife, being the romantic sort, send her husband a text: "If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!"
The husband, typically non-romantic, replied: "I am on the toilet. Please advise."

This was funny...lol

On the last day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.

The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher basket of assorted fruit.

The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.

The Sweet Shop owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of assorted sweets.

Then the liquor store manager's son brought up a big, heavy box.

The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.

She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.

"Is it wine?" she guessed. No," the boy replied.

She tasted another drop and asked, "Champagne?

""No," said the little boy............."It's a puppy!"

A thoughtful Scottish husband was putting his coat and hat on to make his way down to the local pub. He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, Maggie put your hat and coat on, lassie.

'She replied, 'Awe Jock that's nice are you taking me tae the pub with you?

'Nay,’ Jock replied ‘I'm turning the heat off while I'm out.

'Kinda warms the cockles of your heart don’t it

Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced...
“My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!”
“What makes you say that?” the bartender inquired.
“Last week,” Bill explained, “I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman or mailman came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’

A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant.They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.

The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman stared straight ahead.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman stared straight ahead.

The waitress, thinking this behaviour a bit risqué and that it might offend other diners, went over to the table and, tactfully, began by saying to the woman "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't. He just walked in the door."

Funny

A young man moved from his parents home into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment
next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation
with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said,
'Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.'

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and
leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Now nude, she purred at him, 'What would you say is my best
feature?'

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be
your ears.'

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, 'My ears? Look at these
breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere.
How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?'

Clearing his throat, he stammered .... 'Outside, when you said
you heard someone coming.... that was me..

I remember this joke from about five years ago. I thought it was the funniest joke I'd ever heard here at the Factory then, and I still think it's the funniest joke I've ever heard here.

Phil

A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"
She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately."
Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.
"Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip.
“And, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

There was this car that was driving very slowly down the highway. A state trooper pulled it over.

“What did I do wrong, officer?” the driver asked.
“You were going 26 MPH on a major highway, there is a law against that. You must go at least 50 MPH.”

“But when I got onto the highway, the sign said 26!”
“That is because this is Interstate 26! The 26 isn’t the speed limit!”

The driver leaned back into her car seat and the cop saw another woman sitting beside her, she looked as pale as a ghost.

“What happened to her?’ the officer asked.
“I don’t know, but she has been that way ever since we got off the interstate 160.”

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife !" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night ! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep."

He had no body to go to with him.

The IT director advertises that he needs a secretary. Necessary skills: document forming, computer knowledge and a foreign language. After a couple of days a dog walks in.

"I'm an open minded person," the pale-turned boss stutters, "but I need someone who can form documents..."

The dog sits down behind the computer and compiles a totally decent business letter.

"Yes, but the IT-knowledge..."

The dog quickly writes a little program.

"Well, but foreign language?" the totally amazed director asks.

"Meow!" says the dog.

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Used to be "Rock around the block"
Several years later it is "Limp around the block"

Sounds so true

I am putting that requirement on the next posting I do for my IT staff...lol

Two friends were having a discussion about the finer reasons why they like the game of golf.
“What I like about golf,” the first guy said, “is that you get to spend the day outdoors in the sun and fresh air, exercising your body and mind.”
“Screw that,” said his friend. “I’ll tell you why golf is such a great game. Where else can a guy like me get to spend the day with a bunch of hookers and not have his wife kill him!”

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

The CEO of Budweiser walks up to the bar and orders a Budweiser, after which the CEO of Miller orders a Miller. Then the CEO of Carlsberg says to the bartender: "I'll have a glass of water." The others looks baffled and asks him: "Why didn't you order a Carlsberg?". He replies: "Well, since you're not having beer.

Being very frugal(cheap), they pinched and scraped to spend the absolute minimum on materials. Then, when they were only partway through the job, they determined that they did not, after all, have enough paint to complete the job. Not wishing to spend any more money if they didn't absolutely have to, they decided they would just dilute the water-based paint they were using so that it would last longer. They did this a couple more times before they finished, which caused striping on the church as the paint got lighter each time it was thinned. The painters had just about gotten to the top of the steeple, when, all of a sudden, the sky darkened, and the rain started to pour down.
As the paint streamed down the sides of the church, a voice boomed from the heavens: "Repaint, you thinners! Repaint, and thin no more!"

An angel appears and says, "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars."
Immediately, the man chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, he is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.
One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"
The man says, "I should have taken the money."

80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention.
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about
us, I will stop telling the truth about them.
~Adlai Stevenson, 1952~

1 . Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

A bloke was standing at a bar and a beautiful woman was beside
him so he leans over and says,

"You remind me of my little toe"

She replies, "What? You Mean I'm small and cute?"

He says, "No. I’ll probably bang you on the coffee table
later when I'm drunk."

Tim was an adventurous man, and he had quite a bit of money. One afternoon during work, Tim decided that he wanted to go driving on the dunes in egypt. So that weekend, he booked tickets to Cairo and took a few extra days off work. When he arrived in Cairo he took a bus to a smaller village with less people and laxer laws and rented a car to drive on the dunes. He went out the first time at night around 11:30 because his flight came in late.
Tim had a marvelous time on the dunes: driving up and down them, going far too fast, and of course, drifting. He was at it all night and was having fun but the sky was getting brighter and he decided it was time to head home. As he started off towards the village the car suddenly sputtered and died and try as he might, Tim could not start it up again. Tim kept trying to start the car, he had extra gas so it wasn't that, what could it be?
Eventually Tim figured out the battery had died. This worried Tim slightly but he remembered the village was to the east so he figured he could walk. The car compass said the nose was pointing east so he took his water bottle from the car and started walking off in that direction. What Tim didn't know was that the compass wasn't accurate because the car had died so he ended up walking west instead of east. He walked for a few hours at which point he climbed to the top of a large dune to see if he could see the village. From the summit he looked and could only see the car several miles back where he came from and then nothing but desert for miles and miles around.
Tim decided it would be best to head back to the car and around mid day he made it back. He then decided it would be best to follow the car tracks. He followed and followed them along but ended up back at the car. Confused and frustrated, he thought how that could happen. He concluded that because he was doing donuts, he ended up following the wrong trail. He set out again determined to find the right one; an hour later he was back at the car. He tried one last time but the wind was covering the tire tracks with sand making traveling not possible and he was forced to return to the vehicle. Tim by this point was desperate. He decided his only option was to just pick a direction and hope for the best. He collected what little remained of his water and a bottle of wiper fluid he had in his car in case he needed fluids and picked a direction and started walking.
By the time Tim left the car it was pushing 6 o'clock. He walked and walked for several hours and ended up at the foot of a large sand dune. Tim decided that his best chance of survival was to climb the dune so he set out. About 45 feet up he was feeling the burn and pretty soon it became too steep to climb. Tim got on his hands and knees determined to climb the dune. About half way up he chugged the last of his water and continued to forge on. About 3/4ths of the way up he felt like he was dying of dehydration and decided that having some fluids in him was better than none and he could be cured of the poison back in the town, so Tim drank the wiper fluid. The fluids in him again had him feeling rejuvenated and he pushed to the top of the dune.
When he reached the top his head was spinning from the wiper fluid but he had made it! He crested the peak and looked out into the falling sun expecting to see the village. Unfortunately all he saw around him was desert. Disheartened he looked to going back down the dune when he noticed something, a smallish wooden and straw structure half buried in the sand. He started crawling down the dune toward the structure, now fully feeling the effects of the poison. He crawled into an opening in the structure and by this time he was barely conscious. Inside the structure was a golden colored lever. This confused Tim, and when he stood up to try and push it, his head started spinning something bad and he collapsed into unconsciousness.
Tim woke up to light coming through the cracks in the building and felt rejuvenated. He felt healthy. "How is this possible?" Tim thought to himself, "am I dead?" Tim started to sit up, those questions floating through his head when all of a sudden he was face to face with a snake. And much to Tim's astonishment, the snake began to speak. "Hello I am nate the snake" The snake said. Tim was confused and scared but he worked up the nerve to sputter out a few "whats" and "hows." The snake interrupted Tim's unintelligible babbling to say "Travelers usually don't find this place, and the ones that do get 2 wishes. I saw that you were poisoned, dehydrated, and dying so I granted a wish on your behalf allowing you to survive and stay healthy without a need for food and water." This made about as much sense as any explanation that Tim thought of so he accepted it. The next question that came to Tim's mind concerned the lever. Nate the Snake began to explain: "The lever is a doomsday lever, in fact, this area used to be what you know as the garden of eden. This lever was supposed to destroy the world and all its inhabitants if the animals became corrupt or evil, since then humanity has spread all across the planet and we can't have the world ending now can we?"
Tim didn't quite buy it but the snake continued his story: "I am descendant of a generation of serpents supposed to guard this lever and make sure no travelers, such as yourself, wander across this lever and push it killing everybody." By this point Tim was so confident he was hallucinating that he just went along with it. The snake asked if Tim had any questions: "Ya so do you know where the village is?" Tim asked. Nate the Snake replied with a short "no" and continued to talk on about how Tim is the first person he'd seen in many many years, as it became more apparent that Tim didn't really care, Nate the Snake pointed out that Tim still had one wish. "Oh right!" Tim exclaimed and proceeded to ask Nate for an internal compass so that Tim would always know where he wanted to go. Suddenly, Tim knew the way to the village, it was about a days walk southeast of where the structure was. With that in mind, Tim thanked Nate and promised to visit again (still thinking he's hallucinating but at least he has a direction to go now) and he set out southeast to where he hoped the town was.
Tim stumbled into town later in the day convinced that he was just lucky and that the Nate the Snake encounter was a fever dream on account of the poison. He checked into a hospital and was given drugs to flush out the toxins but he was fine. He decided to cut his trip short on account of his odd adventure in the desert and he took a bus back to Cairo the next day then flew home. Tim continued his life where he left off, and he told all his friends about his ordeal in the desert, and he went on with his normal life for about 5 years.
Then one day Tim was going to go out to eat with is friends and something occurred to him: he hadn't eaten or drank anything in over a week, he'd just been too busy and didn't think of it. This puzzled Tim as he racked his brain to figure out why then suddenly the whole Nate the Snake encounter came flooding back to him. If he didn't need to eat or drink, that means the whole encounter much had actually happened! Tim became terrified then excited as he considered the possibilities of it then he remembered the promise he made to Nate to come back and visit him. He hastily bought a ticket to Cairo for the weekend and took a couple days off work. The flight was uneventful and he ended up in Cairo where he took a bus to the small village.
Tim didn't have the money to rent a car this time but since he didn't need to eat or drink he figured he could just walk to Nate's domain. With his internal map pointing the way, Tim set off into the desert to the Northwest and walked for the rest of the afternoon and well into the night. By the time the sun was rising behind him, Tim walked over the final dune and saw the small wood and grass structure that housed the lever. When Tim was approaching the structure, Nate the Snake slithered out in front of him. "Tim!" Nate the Snake exclaimed, "I thought you'd forgot about me" Tim felt blood rushing into his cheeks as he felt ashamed about forgetting, "Im sorry Nate, Ive just been so busy living my life and honestly, i chocked our whole meeting up to hallucinations due to the poison" "Thats understandable" nate said "Thank you for coming back though it really means a lot to me, anyway I have someone to introduce you to." As if on cue, a smaller snake slithered out. "Tim" Nate continued, "This is my son Joe" "Oh hi there" Tim said "Now tim," Nate said, "I actually have a huge favor to ask you, my son, Joe, will take over my job when I die and be bound to guard the lever forever. I want you to take Joe with you and show him the world, I know this is a lot to ask but please, I want him to see the world before he's bound to the lever forever"
Tim was hesitant but he figured that Nate had saved his life, so he owed him that favor. So after the meeting, Tim and Joe trekked back across the desert to the village and back to Cairo. Nate quit his job and they spent the remainder of his money traveling the world. Tim and Joe travelled Asia first, then the americas and finally they went to europe. It was around the 5th month of the traveling and Tim and Joe ended up in a bar in Norway. Over some beers they were discussing their plans next and Joe spoke up saying that they had been gone for a while and that it might be time to go back. Tim agreed that it was time and they flew out to Cairo a few days later.
They landed in Cairo and took the bus to the village and started walking the day and a half journey to Nate and Joe's home. After about 6 hours of walking, Tim and Joe came across a car half buried in the sand. Tim brushed off the sand and unburied it from the sand before climbing inside. After checking out the car and briefly looking at the engine, Tim concluded that it was in working order. Tim and Joe searched a little bit for a person to whom the car belonged but found nobody around, so they hot-wired the car and started driving to shave off many hours from their journey.
After a few hours of driving they were nearing the lever and started the last downhill section toward the lever. The car started picking up speed so Tim applied the break, and nothing happened. Tim started panicking and slamming the break but the car didn't slow down at all. "Whats wrong?" Joe asked with a tone of fear in his voice. "The car's breaks or jammed it isn't working" Tim and Joe both pushed on the breaks as hard as they could but nothing happened. They turned off the engine in desperation but the car kept sliding toward the structure, suddenly, Nate came out of the structure to the left facing away from the car but he couldn't hear because the engine was off. There was a flat area behind the structure so Tim figured if he just turned right he could roll to a stop.
Tim turned the wheel right but the car didn't shift at all because the tires were stuck in a groove. Tim kept trying to turn it but nothing was happening, he briefly by accident shifted the wheel left and the car moved. The car was going quickly toward the lever building and they had to make a move. Tim kept yelling "What do I do?" to Joe, he could either hit the building or move left and hit Nate because the car wouldn’t go right. Joe was rather quiet and then he looked Tim with tears in his and rested his tail upon the wheel and started pushing it to the left. Tim looked confused and scared as joe maneuvered the car so that it would hit Nate. Tim looked at Joe and asked, "Why?" and Joe looked back, crying now, and said:
Better Nate than lever.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so now I drink in front of a mirror.

A friend of mine purchased tickets to the 2017 Super Bowl, air
fare, hotel accommodations included...when he bought the tickets
he didn't realize it was the same day as his wedding...Sooo he
can't go.
If anyone is interested in taking his place, it will be at
St. Peters Church in New York, it starts at 5pm. Her name is Donna,She will be the one in the white dress.
Thanks

Forgot to mention she is a Victoria's Secret Angel.