Factory Joke Thread – September 2025

How old was Tanya tucker when she cut her first hit, Delta Dawn?

Answer=Thirteen

Happy Labor Day to all the moms out there. We appreciate everything you went through!

Three engineers from America, Germany, and Japan are playing golf.

A phone rings and the German engineer puts his pinky to his mouth and his thumb to his ear and starts having a business conversation.

German-Sorry about that. I have a prototype phone implanted in my hand. Makes it hands free!

Later on another phone rings. The Japanese cocks his head to his right shoulder and also has a business conversation.

Japanese-I also have a prototype phone implanted in my shoulder. Now, that's really hands free!

Not willing to be outdone the American engineer goes to the bathroom and comes back out with some toilet paper hanging from the back of his pants.

Both the German and Japanese engineers point this out. To which the American replies:

American- That's not toilet paper. I'm receiving a fax...

Woods turns to Wonder and says, “How is the singing career going?”

Stevie Wonder replies, “Not too bad! How’s the golf?”

Woods replies: “Not too bad, I’ve had some problems with my swing, but I think I’ve got that right now.”

Stevie says, “I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right.”

Tiger asks, “You play golf?”

Wonder replies, “Oh yeah, I’ve been playing for years.”

And Woods says, “But you’re blind. How can you play golf if you’re blind?”

Wonder replies, “I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice.”

“But how do you putt?” asks Woods.

“Well,” Stevie says, “I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice.”

Woods asks, “What’s your handicap?”

Stevie says, “Well, I’m a scratch golfer.”

Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie: “We’ve got to play a round sometime.”

Wonder replies, “Well, people don’t take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole.”

Woods thinks about it and says, “OK, I’m game for that, when would you like to play?”

Stevie says, “Pick a night!”

The night watchman
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.

Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One was to do the studies and one was to write the reports.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?” So they created two positions: a time keeper and a payroll officer and hired two people.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $918,000 over budget, we must cut back." So they laid off the night watchman.

NOW slowly, let it sink in.

Martha's husband was cremated when he passed. Picking up the urn, she poured him out on the patio table. Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him.
"You know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!"
"Remember that car you promised me? Well, I bought it with the insurance money!"
"Remember that diamond ring you promised me? Bought it too, insurance money!"
Finally, she said, "Remember that blow job I promised you? Here it comes!!"

Not one bit.

twice in a week, once in a year and never in a month?

….why we are 36 trillion dollars in debt.

God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for Me."
Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"
God said, "Go down into that valley."
Adam said, "What's a valley?"
God explained it to him.
Then God said, "Cross the river."
Adam said, "What's a river?"
God explained that to him, and then said,
"Go over to the hill....."
Adam said, "What is a hill?"
So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave."
Adam said, 'What's a cave?'
After God explained, He said,
"In the cave you will find a woman."
Adam said, "What's a woman?'
So God explained that to him, too.
Then, God said, 'I want you to reproduce."
Adam said, "How do I do that?"
God first said (under His breath), "Geez....."
And then, just like everything else, God explained that to
Adam, as well.
So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.
Then, in about five minutes, he was back.
God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily,
"What is it now?"
And Adam said....
(YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS)
"What's a headache?"

e

All the best ones argon.

https://media.invisioncic.com/j283755/monthly_2024_05/image....

I've reached a point in my life where when I say I'm going to the Club to pick-up a 'Hottie'...
I mean I'm going to Costco for a rotisserie chicken...

A nurse tell the doctor, "Doc, there's a man in the waiting room who thinks he's invisible. What should I tell him?"

The doctor thinks for a few seconds and then says, "Tell him I can't see him today..."

but then don’t go.

It’s a running joke.

Great

I’m changing my dog’s name to “Six Miles”
so I will be able to say that I walk Six Miles every day!

Today is National Punctuation Day, so I'll be very careful with how I use my commas, apostrophes, etc...
Some people enjoy cooking, their families, and their dogs.

I cant wait for tomorrow when its back to my old habits and Ill say
Some people enjoy cooking their families and their dogs.

I'll be glad to put a period on this day!

An 18-year-old Italian girl tells her mother that she has missed her period for two months.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life." "Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, two retail stores, a townhouse, and a $1-millon bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories, a beach house and a $2-millon bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $1-millon each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You try again."