Factory Joke Thread – August 2025

With age comes wisdom … and hair in really weird places.

Allow me to politely suggest that this be the year you start lying about your age.

Don’t let aging get you down; it’s too hard to get back up again.

I’m getting older and wider instead of older and wiser!

With old age comes wisdom … and early-bird specials!

At my age, the only pole dancing I do is while holding on to the safety bar in the bathtub.

When you consider the alternative, old age really isn’t so bad.

Aging gracefully is a nice way of saying you’re slowly looking worse.

Once you’ve wiped away the tears of laughter, it’s time for more silliness with these funny limericks.

1. ARBITRATOR - a cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.

2. BERNADETTE - the act of torching a mortgage.

3. BURGLARIZE - what a crook sees through.

4. AVOIDABLE - what a bullfighter tries to do.

5. COUNTERFEITER - workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

6. LEFT BANK - what the robbers did when their bag was full of money.

7. HEROES - what a man in a boat does.

8. PARASITES - what you see from the Eiffel Tower.

9. PARADOX - two physicians.

10. PHARMACIST - a helper on a farm.

11. RELIEF - what trees do in the spring.

12. RUBBERNECK - what you do to relax your wife.

13. SELFISH - what the owner of a seafood store does.

14. SUDAFED - brought litigation against a government official.

Doctor: “Don’t eat anything fatty”

Me: “What, like bacon and burgers?”

Doctor: “No fatty, don’t eat anything.”

He sits at the counter and orders a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.

One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it.

The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie.

The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.

As the waitress walked up, one of the bikers growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"

"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."

wow

Pretty much the same reaction I might apply.

What the did the kangaroo tell the zookeeper?

I'm gonna bounce.

/yellow flag for Dad joke.

jk!

…Smokey and the Bandit.

...when a young man drives up and comes to the door.

"Sir, I was driving by and noticed you had a lot of milkweed in your pasture. Would you mind if I went out and got some milk?"

"You don't get milk from milkweed!" the farmer replied.

"Oh yes" said the young man "I have a degree in Agriculture from Texas A&M, I know all about it".

"Well, help yourself" said the farmer.

He soon saw the young man coming back to his car with two buckets full of milk.

The next day the farmer was again sitting on his porch when the same young man drove up. "Sir, yesterday when I was getting milk, I noticed you had some honeysuckle vine on the fence row. I wondered if you would mind if I got some honey?"

"You don't get honey from honeysuckle!" said the farmer.

Again, the young man explained about his degree from A&M, so the farmer agreed to let him collect some honey. Soon the young man came back to his car with two buckets full of honey.

The next day the same young man drove up to the farmer's house. "Sir, yesterday when I was getting the honey, I noticed you had some pussy willow trees down by the creek"...

The farmer jumps up and says "Wait here a second... I'll get my shoes and go with you!

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a policeman.

Cop says, "License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What for?"

Cop says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Cop says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Cop says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop. License and registration, PLEASE!"

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration."

Cop says, "Exit your vehicle, sir."

At this point, the cop takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving shite out of the lawyer and says: "DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP OR JUST SLOW DOWN?"

I have no idea what she's talking about.

My wife doesn't either.

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl’s place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, “You must be a dentist.”
The guy, surprised, says “Yes! How did you figure that out?”
“Easy,” she replied, “you keep washing your hands.”
One thing led to another and they make love.
After they have done, the girl says, “You must be a good dentist.”
The guy, now with a boosted ego, says, “Sure, I’m a good dentist, How did you figure that out?”
“Didn’t feel a thing!”

Nicee

You get to a point where the software licensing agreement is too long and too boring to read, so you just scroll to the bottom and click “I agree”.

But I can stop any time.

Hope everyone had a great weekend.

Red Riding Hood strolls through the forest when she hears a noise.
She finds the wolf crouching behind a bush.
She goes 'My, Wolf, what big eyes you have.'
And the Wolf goes 'For Christ's sake, you can't take a quiet s**t around here.'