Factory Joke Thread – August 2019

 

This is the official POI Factory Joke thread.

It will be closed on the last day of the month and a new one will be opened.

Please read the forum rules before posting.

"POI Factory is not a forum for politically charged debate.
Let's avoid topics that already have a long list of Democrat or Republican talking points or that name specific politicians."

~Angela

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Why do cows have hooves instead of feet

Because they lactose.

--
It is impossible to rightly govern a nation without God and the Bible. ----George Washington

A hard working farming couple

A hard working farming couple had been together for 60 years. Their three kids, all successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

“Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad,” gushed son No. 1. “Sorry I’m running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn’t have time t get you a gift.”

“Not to worry,” said the father. “The important thing is we’re all together today.”

Son No. 2 arrived. “You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from Montreal between depositions and didn’t have time to shop for you.”

“It’s nothing,” said the father. “We’re glad you were able to come.”

Just then their daughter arrived. “Hello and Happy Anniversary! Sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing, so I didn’t have time to get you anything.”

After they had finished dessert, the father said, “There’s something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see we were really poor, but we managed to send each of you to college.

Through the years your mother and I know we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married.”

The three children gasped and said, “WHAT? You mean we’re bastards?”

“Yep”, said the father. “Cheap ones, too!”

--
Politicians and Diapers must be changed often for the exact same reason...

Love it..

maddog67 wrote:

Because they lactose.

Great Dad Joke!!

--
Bobkz - Garmin Nuvi 3597LMTHD/2455LMT/C530/C580- "Pain Is Fear Leaving The Body - Semper Fidelis"

time on my side

Three prisoners are captured and are about to be executed. They are asked what they wish to have for their last meal.

The first man asks for a large pizza, which he is served before being taken away.

The second man requests a Filet Mignon, which he is served before also being taken away.

The third man requests a plate of strawberries.

The officers are surprised and reply: “Strawberries?”

“Yes, Strawberries,” he repeats.

The officers answer: “But they are out of season!”

The man shrugs and says: “I’ll wait…”

Good news, bad news

“Well, unfortunately, I’ve got good news and I've got bad news.” “Gimme the good news first, Doc.”

“They’re going to name a disease after you.”

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Chinese buffet

I was at a Chinese buffet filling up my plate when I noticed something move in one of the food trays.

I disregarded it and continued filling up my plate before heading back to the table.

After I finished I went up again and made sure to keep an eye on that tray and lo and behold something moved again! This time I get a better look and it appeared to be a pair of eyes pop up, see me and quickly hide under the food again.

I knew I had seen some eyes so I went over to the server and said 'excuse me but there's something alive in that tray.'

He replied, 'oh, that's the Peking duck.'

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Ode to cranky men

Ode to cranky men
I chanced to pass a window

While walking through a mall

With nothing much upon my mind,

Quite blank as I recall. I noticed in that window

A cranky-faced old man,

And why he looked so cranky

I didn't understand. Just why he looked at ME that way

Was more than I could see

Until I came to realize

That cranky man was ME!

--
johnm405 660 & MSS&T

A truck driver carrying 6 penguins got into an accident

A car driver stop by and ask if everybody is alright.

The truck driver says to the car driver if he could help and take the 6 penguins to the Zoo for him, while he fixes his truck. The car driver more than happy to help, takes the 6 penguins and leave.

Few days later, the truck driver sees the car driver still with the 6 penguins in the back of his car. He waives at the car driver asking him to stop:

"I told you to take them to the zoo!!!"

"Oh, we already went twice! Tonight we are going to the Cinema!"

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

New woman joins a golf club.

When she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot. Finally, one man says. "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m." He figures the early tee-time will discourage her. The woman says this may be a problem, and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late. They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay." She's there at 6:30 a.m. sharp, and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She's fun and pleasant, and the guys are impressed. They congratulate her and invite her back the next week. She smiles, and says, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45." The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she plays left-handed. The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They're totally amazed. They can't figure her out. She's very pleasant and a gracious winner. They invite her back again, but each man harbours a burning desire to beat her. The third week, she's 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys. This week she plays right-handed, and narrowly beats all three of them. The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she's so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can't hold a grudge. This woman is a riddle no one can figure out. They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse, and finally, one of the men asks her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?" The lady blushes, and grins. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous," she replies. "I like to switch back and forth." "When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his willie points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed." The guys think this is hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, "What if it's pointing straight up?" She says, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Earl was an airplane pilot with many years of experience.

Now Earl always had a dream: to try to do a loop-de-loop with a Boeing 747. So on his last flight before his retirement, he told the passengers "Hello, this is your captain Earl speaking. For many years, I wanted to try to do a loop-de-loop with a plane, and today is my last flight before retirement, so I wanted to ask you if I could try it now."

Now many of the passengers knew Earl as a charming and very skilled pilot, so everyone decides to let Earl try his loop-de-loop. "Do a loop Earl! Do a loop Earl!" And Earl nails a perfect loop-de-loop. Everyone starts clapping and chants. "Bravo Earl! Bravo Earl!" And as the clapping faded, a voice yelled out from the bathroom. "Screw you Earl!"

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

he told the truth

Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. The family still used an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was so hot in the summer, freezing cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy was determined that one day he would push that old outhouse straight into the creek.

So, one day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen and the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. He found a large pole and started pushing.

Finally, after much effort, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.

That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. The boy knew that meant a spanking, so he asked why.

The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it son?"

The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth..."

The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father probably wasn't in the cherry tree."

Groan...

I am still laughing

Timantide wrote:

I was at a Chinese buffet filling up my plate when I noticed something move in one of the food trays.

I disregarded it and continued filling up my plate before heading back to the table.

After I finished I went up again and made sure to keep an eye on that tray and lo and behold something moved again! This time I get a better look and it appeared to be a pair of eyes pop up, see me and quickly hide under the food again.

I knew I had seen some eyes so I went over to the server and said 'excuse me but there's something alive in that tray.'

He replied, 'oh, that's the Peking duck.'

Bar Joke

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

A British pilot was shot down behind enemy lines...

A British fighter pilot was shot down over German occupied airspace and was captured by the Nazis on the ground.

He was beaten up pretty bad in the dogfight and parachute landing, and they had to amputate his leg, so he begged them "Please, if you have to take my leg, can you drop it over my dear London the next time you send a bombing mission?"

The Nazis figured there was no harm in it and the leg was dropped in the next raid.

A week later, his other leg succumbed to his injuries and had to be amputated, and again, he asked his captors to drop in over London on the next raid, and again they obliged.

The next week his left arm succumbed to injuries and it was amputated. Again, he asked the German guards to have it dropped over his hometown on the coming raid. The Germans agreed.

The week after that, the pilot's right arm needed to be amputated. “Well,” begins the Brit, “could you just...”

The German snapped, “Nein!"

The pilot asked, "Why not? You've done it before!"

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Blonde and the insemination man

A blonde city girl named Amy marries a

Colorado rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows,

the rancher says to Amy, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows, so I drove a nail into the 2x4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?" The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. “I came to inseminate the cow,” he said. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows, and when Amy sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one right here." The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks, "Tell me, lady, 'cause I'm dying to know. How would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?" "That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall," she explains very confidently.

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, "And what, pray tell, is the

nail for?" The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her

shoulder, “I guess it’s to hang your pants on,” she replied.

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

just modest ...

What did one traffic light say to the other?

Don't look at me while I'm changing!

Leave here with a laugh

Leave here with a laugh
A cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway. Police advised citizens to look out for a group of hardened criminals.

Note: From RVnewsletter

--
johnm405 660 & MSS&T

Park meetings

Russ and Fred, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day Russ didn't show up. Fred didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something..
But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week or so, Fred really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Fred didn't know where Russ lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Fred figured he had seen the last of Russ, but one day, Fred approached the park and-- lo and behold!--there sat Russ! Fred was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Russ, what in the world happened to you?'
Russ replied, 'I have been in jail.'
'Jail!' cried Fred. What in the world for?'
'Well,' Russ said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?'
'Yeah,' said Fred, 'I remember her. What about her?
'Well, the little gold-digging witch figured I was rich and she filed rape charges against me; and, at 93 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'.
'The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'

Missing Punch Line Maybe?

Timantide wrote:

A British fighter pilot was shot down over German occupied airspace and was captured by the Nazis on the ground.

He was beaten up pretty bad in the dogfight and parachute landing, and they had to amputate his leg, so he begged them "Please, if you have to take my leg, can you drop it over my dear London the next time you send a bombing mission?"

The Nazis figured there was no harm in it and the leg was dropped in the next raid.

A week later, his other leg succumbed to his injuries and had to be amputated, and again, he asked his captors to drop in over London on the next raid, and again they obliged.

The next week his left arm succumbed to injuries and it was amputated. Again, he asked the German guards to have it dropped over his hometown on the coming raid. The Germans agreed.

The week after that, the pilot's right arm needed to be amputated. “Well,” begins the Brit, “could you just...”

The German snapped, “Nein!"

The pilot asked, "Why not? You've done it before!"

This joke left me scratching my head trying to figure it out. Believing that the punch line might be missing, I used Google to try to make sense of it and found another line to the joke: "The German replied, "But now we think you are just trying to escape!" question

I think that he did it on purpose

mcginkleschmidt wrote:
Timantide wrote:

A British fighter pilot was shot down over German occupied airspace and was captured by the Nazis on the ground.

He was beaten up pretty bad in the dogfight and parachute landing, and they had to amputate his leg, so he begged them "Please, if you have to take my leg, can you drop it over my dear London the next time you send a bombing mission?"

The Nazis figured there was no harm in it and the leg was dropped in the next raid.

A week later, his other leg succumbed to his injuries and had to be amputated, and again, he asked his captors to drop in over London on the next raid, and again they obliged.

The next week his left arm succumbed to injuries and it was amputated. Again, he asked the German guards to have it dropped over his hometown on the coming raid. The Germans agreed.

The week after that, the pilot's right arm needed to be amputated. “Well,” begins the Brit, “could you just...”

The German snapped, “Nein!"

The pilot asked, "Why not? You've done it before!"

This joke left me scratching my head trying to figure it out. Believing that the punch line might be missing, I used Google to try to make sense of it and found another line to the joke: "The German replied, "But now we think you are just trying to escape!" question

Your version is the way that I have always heard the joke, but I think that Timantide changed the punch line because this is the way we have always heard it and he wanted to change it up. It caught me by surprise but I do like surprises. Good one Timantide.

--
It is impossible to rightly govern a nation without God and the Bible. ----George Washington

Missing Punch Line Maybe

Sorry,
Some times my cut/paste doesn't quite cut enough.
That's the story of my life "a day late & a dollar short"
I have to proof read better in the future!

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

The survey

Husband: Babe, studies show that having sex is the same as running 10 kilometres
Wife: Bullshit, who runs 10 kilometres in 30 seconds?

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Groaners

What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison.

What should you do if you’re cold? Stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees.

What happens when you eat too many spaghetti-o's? You have a vowel movement.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.

Q: How can you tell when it's raining cats and dogs?
A: You see lots of poodles.

I love the Irish!

A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a Flight from London. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken the Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The Flight Attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."

Good One!!!

Good One!!!

--
Kingston, Tennessee

Unwanted baby

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers

Talk

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

A Marine boarded a train on his way home from deployment

The train was quite crowded, and the Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed middle-aged French woman, but when he got there he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"
The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude.. My little Fifi is using that seat.."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat available was under that dog. "Please, Ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!" This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window and sat down.

The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!" An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up.
"Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

nuts

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me ...."
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!"
The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?" Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...."
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.

Statistics say that 1 out of 3 in a relationship is unfaithful.

I just need to work out if that’s my wife or my girlfriend

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Next time you go to the

Next time you go to the bathroom, think about it!

--
Frank Nuvi 3597LMT 37.322760, -79.511267

If only I was 93!

I’ll bet he had a great smile.

geo334 wrote:

Russ and Fred, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day Russ didn't show up. Fred didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something..
But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week or so, Fred really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Fred didn't know where Russ lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Fred figured he had seen the last of Russ, but one day, Fred approached the park and-- lo and behold!--there sat Russ! Fred was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Russ, what in the world happened to you?'
Russ replied, 'I have been in jail.'
'Jail!' cried Fred. What in the world for?'
'Well,' Russ said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?'
'Yeah,' said Fred, 'I remember her. What about her?
'Well, the little gold-digging witch figured I was rich and she filed rape charges against me; and, at 93 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'.
'The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'

Good One!!!

Good One!!!

--
Kingston, Tennessee

Missing punch line

plunder wrote:
geo334 wrote:

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette.

They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they’re all together to discuss the experience.

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages on his body and limbs, goes first. “Well,” he says, “I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of
God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.”

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, ” WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don’t sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God’s HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul.And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus.”

They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV’s and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.

Umm, what am I missing? Where's the punch line?

Phil

The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

--
Eric M - Nuvi 2555 - IBA 46658 - TOH 151 - 2006 Honda Goldwing 2009 Honda Shadow -

Leave here with a laugh

Leave here with a laugh
What’s the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, the other’s a little lighter.

Note from RVnewsletter

--
johnm405 660 & MSS&T

the fault is not in our Stars ...

I got crushed by a pile of books, but I've only got my shelf to blame.

Groan...

scott_dog wrote:

I got crushed by a pile of books, but I've only got my shelf to blame.

You know the old saying...

..What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Well, what happened, turns five next week.

--
It is impossible to rightly govern a nation without God and the Bible. ----George Washington

My wife: You didn't hear a word I said, did you?

Me: That's a weird way to start a conversation.

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

A Jewish father decided to sent his son to Israel

A Jewish father sent his son to Israel for a year to absorb the culture.
When the son returned, he said, “Papa, I had a great time in Israel. By the way, I converted to Christianity.”

“What have I done!” said the father,

He took his problem to his best friend Joseph and he said, “I sent my son, Noah, to Israel, and he came home a Christian. What can I do?”

“Funny you should ask,” said Joseph. “I, also, sent my son, Abraham, to Israel, and he also came home a Christian. Perhaps we should go see the Rabbi.”

They explained their problem to the Rabbi. “Funny you should ask,” said the rabbi. “I, too sent my son, Adam, to Israel, and he also came home a Christian. What is happening to our young people?”

They prayed, telling the Lord about their sons. As they finished their prayer, a voice came from the heavens: “Funny you should ask,” said the voice, “I, too, sent my son, Jesus, to Israel…”

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

A Trip to the Doctor

A woman and a sickly baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in.

The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

“Breast-fed,” the woman replied.

“Well, strip down to your waist,” the doctor asked. She did.

He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination.

Motioning for her to get dressed he said, “No wonder this baby is underweight! You don’t have any milk.”

“I know,” she said, “I’m his grandmother, my daughter is still trying to find parking, but I’m glad I came in.

GOL (Groan Out Loud)

What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.

Why can’t you take inventory in Afghanistan? Because of the tally ban.

Why didn’t the lion win the race? Because he was racing a cheetah.

How do trees access the internet? They log on.

Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.

Very bad pun of the day

What do you call a Bee hive with no exits?

Unbelievable.

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Walking the dog

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No, because the dog is in heat." "What does that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."

The little girl went to the garage and asked "Dad, may I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Susie was in heat, and to come talk to you." Dad said, " Bring Susie over here" He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear-end with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block." The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with NO DOG on the leash. Dad asked, "Where is Susie?" The little girl said, "She will be here in a minute, she ran out of gas about halfway down the block and another dog is pushing her home."

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Missing wife

Everyday my 90 year old neighbour who has alzheimer's knocks on my door and asks me if I've seen his wife .

And everyday I have to tell that 90 year old man his wife has been long dead . You know I have thought of not answering the door I have even thought about moving.

But you know it's worth it, each time just to see the smile on his face..

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

A Wealthy Arab Sheikh

A wealthy Arab Sheikh was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the need arose:

As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out. Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.

After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman in appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, 5 carats of diamonds, and $50,000 dollars.

A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.

The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate more of his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Black Magic chocolates.

The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had before.

He phoned the Arab and asked him. "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another BMW, diamonds and money ... but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of chocolates."

To this the Arab replied. "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins.

Funny

Timantide wrote:

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No, because the dog is in heat." "What does that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."

The little girl went to the garage and asked "Dad, may I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Susie was in heat, and to come talk to you." Dad said, " Bring Susie over here" He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear-end with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block." The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with NO DOG on the leash. Dad asked, "Where is Susie?" The little girl said, "She will be here in a minute, she ran out of gas about halfway down the block and another dog is pushing her home."

See, now that's funny.

Phil

--
Phil in Mentor, Ohio -- Garmin Nuvi 1450

The slide show

When I was a teen, my dad showed me a 15 minute PowerPoint presentation on why one should always wear a condom during sex.

All the slides were just pictures of me.

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Fighter Pilot Joke

Yea, something was missing for sure. I've heard this one before.

Puns are for higher IQ's

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before

Practice safe eating - always use condiments

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy

A hangover is the wrath of grapes

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired

What's the definition of a will? It's a dead give away

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it

Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under

Every calendar's days are numbered

A lot of money is tainted -Taint yours and taint mine

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat

He had a photographic memory that was never developed

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