Factory Joke Thread – November 2017

You can't beat that statement...lol

ive seen kevin in Walmart lol good one

If your wife asks, "What would you do without me?"

"Live happily ever after," is NOT the correct answer.

Two men were talking about golf before heading out from the locker room to the course. Naturally, a wager was on their minds.
The first man said, “I shoot in the 70s.”
The other replied, “That’s pretty good!”
The first man responded, “Yeah, if it gets any colder than that, I stay in the clubhouse.”

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered:

"Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
Come back and tell me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?"

The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad. His father asked him, Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?

The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially' you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but 'realistically' we're living with two hookers and a future congressman."

God notices heaven is getting a bit crowded
So he sits down with St Peter and says “Look, too many people are getting in. As of tomorrow at 12pm, no one is getting in unless they’ve had a really bad day”
Peter nods, and the next day he sits down at the pearly gates when a man arrives
“Hi sir, welcome to heaven, hey new rules... you’re not allowed in unless you’ve had like a really bad day”
The man doesn’t pause before screaming: “Bad day? A bad day! Let me tell you about my day. I have suspected my wife of cheating on me for a year now and I decided to come home at lunch and catch her in the act. So I go up to my apartment on the 10th floor and I nearly bust straight in. Anyway she’s lying on the couch, naked and screaming at me! I can’t find the guy anywhere, until I go outside on the balcony and there’s this guy, naked, holding on to the balcony floor. And he’s screaming at me too! Well next thing I go into this rage... I just stomp on his hands and he falls the ten storeys. But at the bottom these branches break his fall, and he starts to get up! He’s alive! So I grab the nearest thing, our fridge, and I push it over the edge right at him. I don’t know what happened next though cause I had a heart attack while doing it!”
Peter nods “wow yeah that is rough. In ya come”. The next guy in line walks up, naked
“Hey so yeah, new rules, you have to have had a bad day to get in”
“Well let me tell ya. I was home sick from work and I just got out of the shower and walked out onto my balcony to get some fresh air. A gust of wind whipped my towel off and I reached out to grab it... but I ended up falling over the edge! Luckily I managed to turn mid-air and grab onto this balcony. So I am hanging there, screaming for someone to help me when this god damn mad man comes running out and starts stamping on my fingers! I then fall ten storeys, but I’m saved! All these branches in these trees at the bottom slowly break my fall. I was just getting my bearings when I look up and a fridge is flying at my face”
Peter nods... perplexed... “wow. Yeah. Okay. That sounds rough, in ya go... next”
This other guy walks up, and Peter says “same as the last two, you’ve had to have had a bad day to get in”
The guy looks at him and goes “Okay. So imagine this. You’re naked inside a fridge”