Factory Joke Thread -October 2012

 

This is the official POI Factory Joke thread.

It will be closed on the last day of the month and a new one will be opened.

Have fun....

~Angela

Frequently Asked Questions

Page 1>>

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It's a good thing it's hunting season, or you'd be jumping the gun on this. wink

--
nüvi 3790T | nüvi 775T | Those who make peaceful revolution impossible, will make violent revolution inevitable ~ JFK

The East Coasters would say

I posted it a couple hours late.

I just can't win. *le sigh*

razz

~Angela

Wow...

I've never been in the top 5 of any posting category. Did you hear about the masochist who said hit me, and the sadist who responded: "No, I Won't!"

--
RKF (Bethesda, MD) Garmin Nuvi 660, 360 & Street Pilot

Only in California

A Cal Berkley student was sitting in the back of a bar when a Stanford Student came in and sat at the bar.

The Stanford Student says to the bar tender he'd like a shot of 21 year bonded bourbon.

The bar tender serves the Stanford student and walks away.

The Stanford student takes one sip of the burbon and spits it all over the bar and yells, "This is 7 year old burbon and I asked for 21 year bourbon".

The bar tender was a little surprised so he serves the student another shot of burbon.

The Stanford student takes one sip of the burbon and spits it all over the bar and yells, "This is 12 year old burbon and I asked for 21 year bourbon".

The bar tender was a again little surprised so he serves the student another shot of burbon.

The Stanford student takes one sip of the burbon proclaims, "This is 21 year old burbon and I really like 21 year bourbon".

Meanwhile, the Cal Berkley student watched all of this and walked up to the Stanford student and slapped down a beer mug filled to the brim and said, "take a gulp of this."

The Stanford student replies, "Beer, Yech, I don't drink beer."

The Cal Berkley student replies, "It's not beer, so take a gulp" and the Stanford student takes one gulp of the substance and spits it all over the bar and yells, "This tastes like Piss".

The Cal Berkley student proclaims, "Your right, it is piss but can you tell me how old I am?"

--
Never argue with a pig. It makes you look foolish and it anoys the hell out of the pig!

It is becoming a very scary world out there . . . . .

Another Famous American converts to Islam ...

It was announced today that Buckwheat, of "Our Gang" fame, Has converted to The Muslim faith and changed his name to:

Kareem of Wheat.

I just hope he doesn't become a cereal killer!

--
Cleveland, OH Nuvi 780

Touche

^ Now that was a cute one! 8^)

--
Freedom isn't free...thank you veterans! Heard about the tests to detect PANCREATIC CANCER? There aren't any! In Memoriam: #77 NYPD-SCA/Seattle Mike/Joe S./Vinny D./RTC...and God bless Donald Trump!

The statue

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband
opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the
corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then
she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell
you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the
room.

"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The
Smith's bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I
got one for us too."

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night
when they went to sleep.

Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went
to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich
and a glass of milk.

"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood
like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days and nobody
offered me as much as a glass of water."

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

The stuttering cat

A little kid is sitting in biology class, and the teacher says that an
interesting phenomenon in nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this. Suddenly, the little boy's hand shoots
up.

"Not correct, Miss!" he says.

"Please explain, Christopher," replies the teacher.

"Well, Miss, just the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah, the neighbour's Rottweiler came around the corner, and my cat arched his back and went:

'ffffffffffffff! fffffffffffffff! ffffffffffffff!'

"...but before the cat could say 'F#ck Off!' the dog ate him".

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

I thought I saw Michael J

I thought I saw Michael J Fox in a garden center at the weekend, but I wasn't sure as he had his back to the fuchsias.

Moral

A teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.

"Janie, do you have a story to share?"

''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

''Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher. "What in the world did your daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

"Stay away from Mommy when she's been drinking."

Watching DVDs

Last night me and my girlfriend watched three
DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the
telly.

--
Ain't nuthin' never just right to do the things you wanna do when you wanna do them, so you best just go ahead and do them anyway ! (Rancid Crabtree, from Pat F McManus fame)

The way I was raised

I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed
my sister.

--
Ain't nuthin' never just right to do the things you wanna do when you wanna do them, so you best just go ahead and do them anyway ! (Rancid Crabtree, from Pat F McManus fame)

The alphabe(s)t friend

I’m good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet … I
don’t know Y.

--
Ain't nuthin' never just right to do the things you wanna do when you wanna do them, so you best just go ahead and do them anyway ! (Rancid Crabtree, from Pat F McManus fame)

The stuttering cat

A little kid is sitting in biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon in nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this. Suddenly, the little boy's hand shoots up.

"Not correct, Miss!" he says.

"Please explain, Christopher," replies the teacher.

"Well, Miss, just the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah, the neighbour's Rottweiler came around the corner, and my cat arched his back and went:

'ffffffffffffff! fffffffffffffff! ffffffffffffff!'

"...but before the cat could say 'F#ck Off!' the dog ate him".

--
Never argue with a pig. It makes you look foolish and it anoys the hell out of the pig!

must have

BarneyBadass wrote:

A little kid is sitting in biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon in nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this. Suddenly, the little boy's hand shoots up.

read it here first.

http://www.poi-factory.com/comment/reply/37747/304611

--
Illiterate? Write for free help.

blonde?

spera wrote:

Last night me and my girlfriend watched three
DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the
telly.

Were they blonde?

smile

--
Garmin Nüvi 265W

Words of wisdom

The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen.
Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more.
Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.

"Mother", the nuns pleaded, "Please give us some wisdom before you die". She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, "Don't sell that cow".

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

The drugstore clerk

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.

Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he asked John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.

Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.

"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once," John explained.

"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough" Bob shouted angrily.

"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post. "Look at him. He's afraid to cough."

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Three envelopes

A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, "I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve."

Three months down the track there is major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all.

He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook.

About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds.

Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says "Prepare three envelopes"

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Terms Of Endearment

An elderly gent was invited to his old friends` home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms calling her Honey, My Love, Darling,
Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years, and it seemed they were still very much in love.
While the wife was off in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his buddy, "I think it`s wonderful that, after all the years you`ve been
married, you still call your wife those loving pet names."

The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said."I forgot her name about ten years ago."

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

New windows

I'm an 82 year old senior. I am tired of people treating me like I'm an ignorant young child.

Last year I had several windows in my house replaced. They were the expensive double-insulated, energy efficient windows.

This week I received a call from the contractor complaining that the work has been done for a year and that I had failed to pay for them. My
gracious, did we go round and round! I told him that no one pulls a fast one on this old lady!! Even though I am a senior citizen and was a
blonde in my younger days, that doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid! I proceeded to tell him exactly what his salesman told me last year:

"In one year, they will pay for themselves"

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

My Garmin

My Garmin

I have a little Garmin
It sits there in my car
A Garmin is a driver's friend
It tells you where you are

I have a little Garmin
I've had it all my life
It’s better than the normal ones
My Garmin is my wife

It gives me full instructions
Especially how to drive
"It's thirty miles an hour", it says
"You're doing thirty five"

It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever
Safe to overtake.

It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene.

It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear.

I'm sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice.

It fills me up with counseling
Each journey's pretty fraught
So why don't I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,
Makes sure I'm properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things
And - keeps me warm in bed!

Despite all these advantages
And my tendency to scoff,
I do wish that once in a while
I could turn the darned thing off!

--
Nuvi 350 long gone, Nuvi 855LMT, Nuvi 2797LMT, SmartDrive 50 LMT-HD, 3790LMT now my daughters. Using Windows 10. DashCam A108C with GPS.

change

There's an old sea story about a ship's Captain who inspected his sailors, and afterward told the first mate that his men smelled bad...

The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change underwear
occasionally. The first mate responded, "Aye, aye sir, I'll see to it immediately!"

The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, "The Captain
thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear." He continued, "Pittman, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, and Brown, you change with Schultz."

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
Someone may come along and promise "Change", but don't count on things smelling any better.

--
Cleveland, OH Nuvi 780

Good one!!

Good one!!

--
Kingston, Tennessee

+1

drtrask wrote:

There's an old sea story about a ship's Captain who inspected his sailors, and afterward told the first mate that his men smelled bad...

The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change underwear
occasionally. The first mate responded, "Aye, aye sir, I'll see to it immediately!"

The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, "The Captain
thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear." He continued, "Pittman, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, and Brown, you change with Schultz."

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
Someone may come along and promise "Change", but don't count on things smelling any better.

+1

--
Never argue with a pig. It makes you look foolish and it anoys the hell out of the pig!

Bakers trade bread recipes

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Guillotined

In some foreign country a priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to be
guillotined. The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and
nothing happens -- he declares that he's been saved by divine intervention --
so he's let go.

The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade,
he claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and he is set free
too.

They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine, he looks up at
the release mechanism and says, "Wait a minute, I see your problem...."

football quotes

Here are some quotes from various team leaders:

Joe Theisman - "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

George Rogers - "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

Bill Peterson (Head Coach) - "Men, I want you thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."

--
ɐ‾nsǝɹ Just one click away from the end of the Internet

Wrong cave

Two Indians and a Hillbilly were walking in the woods. All
of a sudden, one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth
of a small cave. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into
the cave and then he listened very closely until he heard
an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" He tore off his
clothes and ran into the cave.

The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the other Indian what
that was all about. Was the other Indian crazy or what?

"No," said the Indian. "It is our custom during mating
season. When Indian men see cave, they holler, "Wooooo!
Wooooo! Wooooo!" into the opening. If they get an answer
back, it means there is a girl in there waiting to mate."

Just then they saw another cave. The Indian ran up to the
opening of the cave, stopped, and hollered, "Wooooo!
Wooooo! Wooooo!" Immediately, there was an answering
"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" from deep inside the cave. He
tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone for a
while, and then he came upon a great big cave. As he looked
in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was
thinking, "Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is
bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some
really big, fine women in this cave!"

He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his
might "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" He grinned and closed his
eyes in anticipation, and then he heard the answering
call, "WOOOOOOOOO!WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!" With a gleam in
his eyes and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave,
tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The following day, the headline of the Local Newspaper
read, "NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY FREIGHT TRAIN"

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

The divorce

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in
Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up. Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing
until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares ... Now what do we
tell them for Christmas?

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Redneck hunters

Three Rednecks went hunting in a remote forest in central Marquette county. As one of them was crossing a fallen log, he tripped, dropped his rifle and shot himself. The other two ran quickly to their unconscious friend and saw that his chest was covered with blood.

Walt turned to Stan and said, "We gotta get Elmer to da hospital quick or he's gonna die."

"How 'er we gonna carry 'em?" Stan asked. "Why Elmer, he weighs a good two hunnert pounds."

"Hell Stan! That ain't nuttin'," assured Walt. "We carry bucks out bigger'n 'at, all da time. We kin do it da same way."

Walt was right. In no time, they were pulling their 4x4 up to the emergency room door, and doctors, nurses and orderlies rushed Elmer inside. A while later, one of the doctors gave the two worried friends the bad news, "Your friend didn't make it."

Walt said, "Yeah, I thought dat gunshot hit 'em in da heart."

"No," said the doctor. "The bullet actually went above the heart and through the shoulder. His chest was only covered with blood, but he might have been able to survive that."

"Damn-it Stan! I told ya we shouldn't a tied 'em to da hood. All dem tree branches smackin' into 'em for da first five miles probably beat 'em to death!" 4

"No," said the doctor. "His clothes were ripped to shreds and his body was covered with lacerations, but he might have been able to survive that, too."

"See, Walt! I kept tellin' ya to hold your end up higher 'cause dat sapling was too thin. When we tied his hands and legs to it, his head kept hittin' da rocks and logs. An' I'm sure he drowned when we crossed dat crick."

"Sh** Stan! You was da one dat dropped your end of the pole when you fell off dat rock. Poor old Elmer musta been unner water a whole minute while you was fumbling around with that pole an' fallin' all over yaself."

"Now fellas," said the doctor. "Elmer's skull was cracked and he did have massive head injuries. But he didn't drown, and he might have been able to survive that, too."

Stan and Walt looked at each other with puzzled expressions, then asked the doctor, "Den what wuz it?"

The doctor thought for a few moments and said, "My guess is that the field dressing probably had a lot to do with it."

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Idiots and Maniacs

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

only

TheBeachBum wrote:

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

in California

--
ɐ‾nsǝɹ Just one click away from the end of the Internet

the divorce

Timantide wrote:

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, ... Now what do we tell them for Christmas?

+1

--
Never argue with a pig. It makes you look foolish and it anoys the hell out of the pig!

~

TheBeachBum wrote:

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

mrgreen

--
Nüvi 255WT with nüMaps Lifetime North America born on 602117815 / Nüvi 3597LMTHD born on 805972514 / I love Friday’s except when I’m on holidays ~ canuk

The angry Proctologist

A man went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes.

Well, when the man sat down in the examination room, he noticed that there were three items on a stand next to the doctor's desk: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer.

When the doctor came in, the man said, "Look Doc, this is my first exam... I know what the K-Y is for... and I know what the glove is for... but what's the BEER for?" At this instant, the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door.

The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, "Come on, nurse!!!... I said a BUTT LIGHT!!!"

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Men's Translations

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"IT'S A GUY THING" Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" Means: "Why isn't dinner already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..." Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" Means: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND." Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD." Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR." Means: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS." Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every
car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES." Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL." Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING." Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty good reasons soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT." Means: "It didn't fall into my
outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?" Means: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU." Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE" Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC." Means: ""Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE." Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

“What happened to your uncle’s boat?”

Tim asked Bob, “What happened to your uncle’s boat?”

“Ever notice that big rock at the entrance to the Golden Gate?” said Bob.

“Yes, I have,” replied Tim.

“Well, he didn’t,” said Bob.

--
It's these changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes Nothing remains quite the same With all of our running and all of our cunning If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
She said... 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'

8. She got a mud-pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?' I said, 'Dust!'

--
Cleveland, OH Nuvi 780

thoughts

If it is true that 50% of marriages end in divorce, that means 50% end in death. I would rather my wife be divorced than widowed.

Exercise for seniors

I came across this exercise suggested for seniors, to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It seems so easy, so I thought I'd pass it on. The article suggested doing it three days a week.

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax. Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato sacks. Then 50-lb. potato sacks, and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

The lucky frog

A family is driving in their car on holiday. A frog is crossing the road and the husband somehow manages to stop the car without hitting it. He gets out and carries the frog to the side of the road.

The frog is very grateful and thanks the man, telling him that he will grant him a wish. So the man says, "Please make my dog win his next race."

The frog looks at the dog, which jumped out of the car, and notices that the dog has only three legs. He tells the man that it is almost impossible to fulfill his wish and asks that the man make another wish. The man says, "Well, then please help my wife win the next beauty contest she enters."

The frog asks the wife to get out of the car. The wife comes out of the car and walks over to the frog. The frog turns to the man and says, "Could I have another look at that dog?"

--
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

great ones

Great jokes!

Marriage tips:

drtrask wrote:

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant......

--
Garmin Nüvi 265W

Apple vS Google

One group here will find these 4 clips hilarious while others will hate my guts, such is life.

http://tinyurl.com/9rn4bgr

http://tinyurl.com/8v7mrca

http://tinyurl.com/9l75a2v

http://tinyurl.com/clhm85x

--
Garmin 38 - Magellan Gold - Garmin Yellow eTrex - Nuvi 260 - Nuvi 2460LMT - Google Nexus 7 - Toyota Entune NAV

Good One, but....

I do not intend to share it with my wife (lol).

--
RKF (Bethesda, MD) Garmin Nuvi 660, 360 & Street Pilot

Good One!!!

Good One!!!

--
Kingston, Tennessee

Apple VS Google

I thought they were all funny, but the last one was hilarious.
Thank you for posting them.

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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Exercises for those over 50

EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level....... put a potato in each bag.

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GPSmap76Cx handheld, Nuvi 2557LMT, Nuvfi 2598LMTHD

Try to avoid dups

HerbSch wrote:

EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50

Please take the time to read a few of the jokes recently posted before posting yours. This particular one case was just posted 7 messages ago.

A turtle was walking down an

A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.

The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don't know, it all happened so fast.”

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