Factory Joke Thread – May 2025

Be kind to your kids. They choose your nursing home.

Why do retirees smile so much?
Because they can’t hear a word you’re saying.

Husbands are like lawn mowers: They’re hard to get started, emit foul odors and don’t work half the time.

Love is like one long, sweet dream. Marriage is the alarm clock.

Apparently saying, “Oh, this old thing?” isn’t an appropriate way to introduce my wife.

A mother was putting her daughter to bed and encouraged her to say her prayers. The child replied,
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy and lord, please send clothes to all those girls on daddies computer"

.Today is National Grumpy Old Man day!!

I expect full recognition,

this day existed. Now I know. Thanks.

I thought it was on March 4th...

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo.

I always schedule my dental appointments for the same time.

Tooth-hurty!

Thumbs up dwarf nuns
The Seven Dwarves go to the Vatican and are ushered in to see the Pope. Grumpy leads the pack.
‘Grumpy, my son,’ says the Pope, ‘ What can I do for you?’
Grumpy asks, ‘Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?’
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question thinks for a moment and answers,
‘No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome’
In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.
Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.
Grumpy turns back. ‘Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?’
The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers ‘No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe'
This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare.
Grumpy turns back and says ‘Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?’
The Pope, really confused by the questions says,
‘I’m sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.’
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting……
‘Grumpy shagged a penguin!’
‘Grumpy shagged a penguin!’

but...I thought that was my Birthday...

Good one

My son is having issues chewing electrical cords, I had to ground him. He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

“One heavenly spring morning, God got into a

conversation with St. Francis about lawns. The

conversation went something like this…….

GOD: St. Francis, you know all about gardens and

nature. What in the world is going on down there in

the USA? What happened to the dandelions, violets,

thistle, and the other stuff I started eons ago? I had

a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. I created

plants that grow in any type of soil, withstand

drought, and multiply like crazy. The nectar from the

long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees

and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see down there

a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are

these green rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS: It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord.

The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers

weeds, and went to great lengths to kill them and

replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But it’s so boring. It’s not colorful. It

doesn’t attract butterflies, birds and bees, only

grubs and sod worms. It’s temperamental with

temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all

that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great

pains to grow it, and keep it green. They begin each

spring by fertilizing their grass, and poisoning any

other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make

grass grow really fast. That must make the

Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Lord, I’m afraid not. As soon as the

grass grows a little, they cut it, sometimes twice a

week.

GOD: They cut it?! Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Well, not exactly Lord. Most

“Suburbanites” rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell

it?

ST. FRANCIS: No, sir — just the opposite. They pay to

throw it away.

GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize

grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut

it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS: Yes, sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer

when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat.

That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of

work.

ST. FRANCIS: Lord, you’re not going to believe this.

When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out

hoses, and pay more money to water it so they can

continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the

trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say

so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to

provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn

they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to

keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and

bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to

enhance the soil. It’s a natural circle of life.

ST. FRANCIS: You’d better sit down, Lord. The

Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the

leaves fall, they rake them into huge piles, and pay

to have them hauled away, too.

GOD: No way!! What do they do to protect the shrub and

tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist

and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go

out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul

it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to

make the mulch.

GOD: Enough! I don’t want to think about this anymore.

St. Catherine, you’re in charge of the arts. What

movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It’s a real

stupid movie about……..

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story

from St. Francis.

….Author Unknown ”

They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their "tourist" garb They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous" blonde in a topless bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare.

As the blonde passed them she smiled and said "Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by. They were both stunned.

How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine.

After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing an even skimpier bikini, cames walking toward them. She nodded at each of them, giving them a them a quick fkash and says "Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father," and started to walk away.

One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, "Just a minute, young lady."

"Yes, Father?"

"We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?" ?

She replied, "Oh, come on Fathers, it's me, Sister Margaret."