Factory Joke Thread – January 2025

 

This is the official POI Factory Joke thread.

Please read all the forum rules before posting, and keep in mind...

"POI Factory is not a forum for politically charged debate.
Let's avoid topics that already have a long list of Democrat or Republican talking points or that name specific politicians."

This thread will be closed on the last day of the month and a new one will be opened.

~Angela

Jokes For The New Year

Allow me to politely suggest that this be the year you start lying about your age.

Don’t let aging get you down; it’s too hard to get back up again.

I’m getting older and wider instead of older and wiser!

With old age comes wisdom … and early-bird specials!

At my age, the only pole dancing I do is while holding on to the safety bar in the bathtub.

--
johnm405 660 & MSS&T

CHURCH LADIES WITH TYPEWRITER

CHURCH LADIES WITH TYPEWRITER

Love these ......

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank Goodness for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------

Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------

Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
--------------------------

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
--------------------------

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------

Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

--
johnm405 660 & MSS&T

CHURCH LADIES WITH TYPEWRITER

Good one

A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant

A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.
"I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says.

The shop assistant nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf. The man, standing almost directly beneath her, was provided with an excellent view, just as he had thought he would get.

When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves. As the shop assistant retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what's going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread.

After many trips she is tired and irritated and begins to wonder, "Why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?"

Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below. Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd. Thinking that she can save herself another trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is it raise'n for you too?"

"No," stammers the old man, "but it's quivering a little."

A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant

Wow

i'm confused -

Researchers say eating and drinking can kill you. But so can not eating or drinking. What about breathing? Breathing can also kill you but the only people that don't breathe are already dead. Do you see why I'm confused? Just who or what do you believe.

--
Illiterate? Write for free help.

It's so cold I stood in the corner ...

because it was 90 degrees.

Then my wife said

My wife came home and told me there was water in the carburetor.
I was rather surprised to say the least, so I went out to look at it. OK, where is the car I ask, as it wasn't in the garage. Then she said, it is in the pool.

Three Girlfriends

A man had three beautiful girlfriends but didn’t know which one to marry. As a test, he decided to give each woman $5,000 to see how they would spend it.

The first girlfriend went out and got herself a complete makeover. She told him, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."

The second went shopping and bought the man new golf clubs, an iPad, and 80-inch flatscreen television. She said, "I bought these gifts for you because I love you so much.

The third woman took the $5,000 and invested it in the stock market, doubled her investment, returned $5,000 to the man, and reinvested the rest. She said, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much,

The man thought long and hard about how each of his girlfriends had spent the money, and then he decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.

Three Girlfriends

Good one

I don't really like camping

I find it too in-tents.

Homework...

A 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which
human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!" With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down.

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body
part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she gonna get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body
part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of
the eye."

Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:

(1) you have a dirty mind

(2) you didn't read your homework

(3) one day you are going to be very, very disappointed

--
GPSMAP 76CSx - nüvi 760 - nüvi 200 - GPSMAP 78S

hello

hello

Who da thought

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called -- and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found.....

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

.....Which goes to show that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

--
Illiterate? Write for free help.

Where do monsters get their birthday gifts?

Beast Buy

Sisters in Traffic

A car full of Irish nuns is sitting in a traffic light in
downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks
pulls up along sides of them.

"Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins!" shouts
one of the drunks.

Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to sister Mary
Immaculate and says, "I don't think they know who we are;
show them your cross." Sister Mary Immaculate rolls down
her window and shouts, "piss off, ya fookin little wankers,
before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"

Sister Mary Immaculate then rolls up her window, looks
back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did
that sound cross enough."

Irish daughter

An Irish daughter had not been home for ten years.
Upon her return, her father yelled at her, "Where have ye been all this time?

Why did ye not write to us? Not even a line. Why didn't ye call?

Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?"

The girl, crying, replied, "Dad, I was too embarrassed. I became a prostitute."

"Ye what? Get out of here, ye shameless hussy! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family, so yer are."
"OK , Daddy, as ye wish. I just came back to give Mammy this luxurious fur coat, a title deed to an eight bedroom
mansion plus a $5 million check. For me little brother Seamus, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling
new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership to the Limerick Country Club.”
She takes a breath and continues, "and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Caribbean."
"Now what was it ye said ye had become." says Daddy.
Girl, crying again, "A prostitute Daddy!"
"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death girl! I thought ye said a PROTESTANT.
Come here and give yer old Daddy a big hug."

--
Nuvi 2797LMT, DriveSmart 50 LMT-HD, Using Windows 10. DashCam A108C with GPS.

Ever Notice How All Of Women’s Problems Start With MEN?

- MENtal illness
- MENstrual cramps
- MENtal breakdown
- MENopause
- GUYnocologist
and...
When they have REAL trouble it’s a HISterectomy

The Beach Bum

Good one made me chuckle.

--
johnm405 660 & MSS&T

Mr. Smith went to the

Mr. Smith went to the Doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.
The receptionist says, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible."
Mr. Smith says, "What do you mean?"
The receptionist replies, "Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer disease and the other for AIDS. We cannot tell which is your wife."
Mr Smith exclaims, "That's terrible! What am I supposed to do now?"
The receptionist calmly replies, "The doctor recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town and if she finds her way home, don't go to bed with her."

Mr. Smith went to the

Good one

Nesting dolls can be tough to deal with.

They're a bit full of themselves.

The psychic

A woman visited a psychic many of her friends recommended.
In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the Tarot reader delivered the bad news; "There is no easy way to say this so I'll just be blunt, prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the Tarot reader's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked:
"Will I get away with it?

Good one!

Good one!

--
Illiterate? Write for free help.

The psychic

Weird