Factory Joke Thread – November 2024

What is the forecast showing for this November?
Fowl weather!

What does Miley Cyrus enjoy most about November?
The twerk-ey!

Why does November always shop for its pie supplies in the spring?
Because it's the only time it can get May flour!

How was the pilgrim finally able to go to school in November?
He got a scholar-ship!

What is the best accessory to wear to the pumpkin patch in November?
A har-vest!

What did November say to the cold weather that arrived late in the season?
Sweater late than never!

Why do scarecrows always win awards in November?
Because that is when they are outstanding in their fields!

Mama: What are you doing up there Willie
Willie: Playing with my ukelele,"
Mama: Well, wash your hands and come down for supper."

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway.
She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Doug came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Doug."

One night, Mrs McMillen answers the door to see her husband's best friend, Paddy, standing on the doorstep.

"Hello Paddy, but where is my husband? He went with you to the beer factory"

Paddy shook his head. "Ah Mrs McMillen, there was a terrible accident at the beer factory, your husband fell into a vat of Guinness stout and drowned"

Mrs McMillen starts crying. "Oh don't tell me that, did he at least go quickly?"

Paddy shakes his head. "Not really - he got out 3 times to pee!"

Try two

An 8 year old boy was sitting on a curb across from a house. He'd sat there for an hour or two when he saw a man walking on the sidewalk on the other side of the street. The boy continued watching the man on the sidewalk when he turned up the walk to a house, knocked on the door, and gave the lady that opened the door $10 and went inside. A little while later, the man came back outside and walked down the sidewalk and disappeared.

Later, another man walked down the sidewalk when he too turned up the walk to a house, knocked on the door, and gave the woman that opened the door $10 and went inside. A little while later, he too came back outside and walked down the sidewalk and disappeared.

The boy stood up, dug deep into his pocket, retrieving 2 quarters.  He darted across the street, scurried up the stairs, and pounded on the door.  When the door opened, the woman finally looked down discovering the boy standing there with his hand outstretched bearing two shiny quarters and his eyes as large as saucer plates. The woman snatched the quarters from the boys hand, opened her negligee, placed the boys little face between her two full, supple breasts and proceeded to slap the stew out of his little face with her breasts. When she finished, she pushed the boy backward, and he landed on the grass by the walk to the house as she closed the door. The boy sat up, wiping his face, and said, "Damn, I don't think I could take $10 worth of that!'

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

Yup

An Englishman and an Irishman go to a bakery. The Englishman steals three buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman: “That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn’t even see me.”

“That’s just simple thievery,” the Irishman replied. “I’ll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results.”

The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says: “Sir, I want to show you a magic trick.” The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick.

The Irishman asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it. He asked two more times and after eating them again the owner says: “Okay my friend, where’s the magic trick?”

The Irishman then said: “Look in the Englishman’s pockets.”

Because his buckle was on his hat.

I found the results shocking!

There are two fish in a tank.

One turns to the other and says: “You man the guns, I’ll drive”

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
The pump attendant, who obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are those?, asks the attendant.
"They're called tees" replies Tiger.
"Well, what on the god's earth are they for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.
"Feckin Hell", says the Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything !

A mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Singapore Airlines from Singapore to New York.

The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, 'If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes???? '

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the pretty flight attendant.

So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, 'If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?'

The flight attendant responded, 'Did your mother tell you to ask me that?'

The little boy admitted that she did.

“Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Singapore Airlines always pulls out on time. Now, let your mother explain that to you.!!”

His workmates valiantly tried to rescue him, but he successfully fought them off three times....

Death By Guiness
One night, Mrs McMillen answers the door to see her husband's best friend, Paddy, standing on the doorstep.

"Hello Paddy, but where is my husband? He went with you to the beer factory"

Paddy shook his head. "Ah Mrs McMillen, there was a terrible accident at the beer factory, your husband fell into a vat of Guinness stout and drowned"

Mrs McMillen starts crying. "Oh don't tell me that, did he at least go quickly?"

Paddy shakes his head. "Not really - he got out 3 times to pee!"

What concert only costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickleback.

He was having a bad hare day.

A woman was out golfing and hit the ball deep into the woods.

When she went to look for it, she found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to."

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman, and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

I loved it!

1. What’s the secret to having a smoking hot body as a senior?
Cremation.

2. What is a prize old people can win for aging?
Atrophy.

3. I used to know a couple who grew fruit trees together. They lived to a ripe old age.

4. What’s the best part of old age?
That it doesn’t last very long.

5. These are not gray hairs! They are wisdom highlights.

6. Which underwear brand do seniors love best?
It Depends.

7. Old age makes us great multitaskers. Why, I can sneeze and pee at the same time!

8. One benefit of old age is that your secrets are always safe with your friends … because they can’t remember them!

9. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind getting older, then it really doesn’t matter.

10. Why do old people love English muffins so much?
All the nooks and grannies.

11 the older we get the earlier it gets late

It saw the turkey dressing.

Q: What's the best way to fix a broken pumpkin?

A: Use a Pumpkin Patch

Doing my part in raisin awareness.

Husband asks wife, "how many men have you slept with besides me?"

Wife: "zero"

Husband really happy: "really?"

Wife: "yes, I only slept with you, the rest kept me awake"