50 Things to Do After The Shutdown
1) Portray Blanche Dubois in a stage version of A Streetcar Named Desire.
2) Affix postage to a live duck and try to mail it to Pie Town New Mexico. It only counts if the stamps are canceled.
3) Dance the Flamenco with George Takei.
4) Go to the Circus. Share a firm handshake with the sideshow’s glass eater.
5) Deliver a ten minute speech on radishes to your local Elk’s Club.
6) Put an eight dollar trifecta on “Lucky,” “Chance,” and “Fortune.”
7) Write several letters to a Crimean pen-pal.
8) Make a toast in honor of the Prime Minister of Canada.
9) Enter a backgammon tournament. Lose, but remain a good sport about it.
10) Dial a number at random and ask for Steve.
11) Play Trivial Pursuit with members of your local VFW.
12) Eat an entire Virginia Caned ham in a single sitting.
13) Swindle a vegan.
14) Attend a rodeo while dressed as Thomas Jefferson.
15) Smile at an albatross.
16) Break a glass and then blame it on your sister.
17) Get winked at by a fat guy while using a gas station air machine.
18) Feign interest when Dan talks about his back ache.
19) Discover a new atomic element. If your receive the Noble Prize, turn it down, because the contest is not open to stupid people.
20) Visit Pie Town, NM. Ask were you can get some cake.
21) Face down an angry moose while bearing only a can of Pepsi.
22) Receive your ordination by mail and bless water fountains in your town.
23) Dress as if you’re going to a Medieval Fair, and yell “Hazaa” when anyone looks at you.
24) Ridicule an old lady’s knick knacks.
25) Lay underwater cable across a pond.
26) Fax a crossword puzzle to a dairy farmer.
27) Perch on a tree limb and pretend to be a songbird.
28) Put chain link fence around a cubic foot of space.
29) Deride the works of Chopin, but get him confused with Franz Liszt.
30) Purchase something that says “manufactured in Micronesia” on it.
31) Argue with a German about how Cologne is really part of France.
32) Play drums in a band which achieves minor celebrity amongst the nation’s so-called intelligentsia.
33) Attempt to organize the defense of a bee colony. Exhort them to go down fighting if the operation wavers.
34) Sell charcoal-filtered air on a street corner in brightly-colored plastic bottles.
35) Remind five people a day for an entire week that Mark Twain’s real name was Samuel Clemens and it rhymes with lemons.
36) Roll in Cow pies. Then visit your mother.
37) Drink Vodka with a Polish guy.
38) Eat an entire two quart tub of expired sour cream.
39) Attend your local county fair’s free tractor pull, then complain to a fair official that you didn’t expect it to be so loud, and demand your money back.
40) Get into a heated argument over politics with your cat. A dog does not count; they will at least look at you when you’re talking.
41) Visit your local nursing home take and eat pudding from fifteen people. Tell them you’re the pudding inspector.
42) Ride a CTA bus on Chicago’s far south side, extra point if you get stabbed.
43) Visit an art museum; follow a group of people looking at abstract paintings. At each new picture, tell the group your three year old can paint better.
44) Fart in a crowded elevator; explain that it’s your way of spreading your grandfather’s ashes.
45) Anytime Dan says something, tell him: “Shut up Dan”.
46) Come up with a list of at least 25 reasons why people should stop using pine.
47) Chair a campaign to make Esperanto the national language. Your slogan should be: “If it’s good enough for the International Academy of Sciences of San Marino, it’s good enough for America”.
48) Come up with a new religion; whenever you receive a phone call, answer by saying: “Let me tell you about ”, explain the benefits for switching.
49) Start a new fad and become a multi-millionaire.
50) Participate in a company sponsored activity, but come in last place. Complain that the contest was rigged against lazy people.
I may have done some of these already....
This looks like Dr Evil's resume!
Sounds good, but hey you could do that list now. Just remember life will never be the same, no thanks to Covid-19.
On another note, I remember when Zika was popular, no vaccine or cure for that either.
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