Factory Joke Thread – October 2025

Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught.

A female teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class of 3rd grade. The boy said "Ma'am, I should be in 4th grade, Ï'm smarter than my sis & she's in the 4th grade".

The M'am {Teacher} had heard enough of his complains & took the boy to the Principal's office. She explained everything to the Principal who decided to test the boy with some questions that a 4th grade should know.

Principal: What's 3+3? Boy: 6

Principal: 6+6? Boy: 12

& so on..

The Principal asked the boy many questions and the boy got them right. The Principal then asked M'am to send the boy to 4th grade. M'am decided to ask some more questions & the Principal agreed.

1. M'am: What does a cow have 4 of,that Ï've only 2 of? Boy: Legs

2. M'am: What's in ur pants that u have but I don't have? Boy: Pockets

3. M'am: What starts with a C & ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious & contains thin whitish liquid? Boy: Coconut

4. M'am: What goes in hard & pink then comes out soft & sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge. Boy: Bubble Gum

5. M'am: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do. What am I? Boy: Tent. The principal was looking restless

6. M'am: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me 1st; what am I? Boy: Wedding Ring

7. M'am: I come in many sizes. When Ï'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good? Boy: Nose

8. M'am: I've a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver Boy: Arrow

9. M'am: What starts with 'F' & ends with a 'K' & if u dont get it, u've to use ur hand? Boy:Fork

10. M'am: Whats it that all men have,it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his & a man gives it to his wife after marriage? Boy: Surname

11. M'am: What part of the man has no bone, but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpin & is responsible for making love? Boy: Heart

The principal breathed a sigh of relief & told the teacher "Send the boy to the University, I got the last 10 questions wrong myself!"

01. If a bottle of poison reaches its expiration date, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous

02. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C.

03. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

04. Every time you clean something; you just make something else dirty.

05. The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims".

06. Over 100 years ago, everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

07. If people evolved from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?

08. Why is there a 'D' in fridge, but not in refrigerator?

09. As I've grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but making everyone angry is a piece of cake!

10. I'm responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.

11. Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

12. My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously, there's a new strain out there.

13. It's not my age that bothers me - it's the side effects.

14. I'm not saying I'm old and worn out, but I make sure I'm nowhere near the curb on trash day.

15. As I watch this generation try to rewrite our history, I'm sure of one thing: it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

16. As I've gotten older, people think I've become lazy. The truth is I'm just being more energy-efficient.

17. I haven't gotten anything done today. I've been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.

18. If you find yourself feeling useless, remember: it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.

19. Turns out that being a "senior" is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

20. I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas

21. I'm on two simultaneous diets. I wasn't getting enough food on one.

22. I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

23. My mind is like an internet browser. At least 18 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.

24. Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.

25. My wife says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now.

26. There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest.

"Uno! ... Dos!"

And then I vanished without a tres.

A pensioner drove his brand new BMW to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought,

"I'm too old for this nonsense !"

So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said,

"Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."

The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :-

"Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!

A man and his wife, Are having sex. They're going at it hot and heavy. Suddenly they hear a noise. It's their little son Timmy Standing in the doorway.

Timmy is shocked and runs out of the room. The father goes, "I'll go talk to Timmy. "

He goes to Timmy's room. He opens the door And little Timmy is giving it hot and heavy.. To grandma.

The father goes, "Oh my God. " And little Timmy says, "not so funny when it's your mother, is it?"

I guess it didn't make much cents.

Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference.
At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the three lawyers.

"Watch and you'll see," answers one of the engineers.

They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please" The door opens just a crack, and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.

So, after the conference, the lawyers decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed lawyer.

"Watch and you'll see," says one of the engineers.
When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby.

The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

Funny.

Oh Boy

The lesbians next door bought me a Rolex for my birthday.

I think they misunderstood me when I said... 'I wanna watch'...

I while back I heard a joke about a broken pencil but it was pointless.

Why didn't life's problems hit me when I was a teenager and knew everything.

The husband is legally-the head of the house and the pedestrian legally has the right of way.

Both are safe until they try to exercise their rights

So I guess you could say that I write inverse.

The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St Peter himself.

St Peter says, "Well Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. I must inform you that the place is filling up fast and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short and you have to pass before you can get into heaven."

The questions are:

- What days in the week begin with the letter T?

- How many seconds are there in a year?

- What is God's first name?

Forrest says, "Well the first one- how many days in the week begin with the letter T? That is a easy one. That'd be Today and Tomorrow."

St Peter opened his eyes wide and said, "Forrest that's not what I was thinking... but I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one," He asked, "How many seconds in a year?"

"Now that is harder!" says Forrest, "but I think and thunk and I guess the only answer could be twelve."

Astounded, St Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

"There's gotta be twelve," he said, "January 2nd, February 2nd, March the second."

"Hold it," interrupts St Peter, "I see where you are going with this, and I'll have to give you credit for that one too."

Lets go on with the last and final question,"Can you tell me God's first name?"

"Sure," Forrest replied, "It's Andy."

"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter, "OK I can understand how you came up with your answers to the first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name of Andy as the first name of God?"

"That was the easiest one of all, we used to sing it a church" Forrest replied.

"ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN."

St Peter opens the Pearly Gates and said, "Run Forrest, run!

Why did the man fall down the well?

Because he didn't see that well.

Both got drunk, started walking home, and had to pee. They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with. One used her underwear, the other grabbed a large ribbon from wreath off of a grave.

The next morning one husband called the other and said, "no more girls night out! my wife came back with no panties."

The other husband said, "you think that's bad? mine came back with a card in her crack that read 'from all of us at the fire station- we'll never forget you."

They just can't part with it.

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help
The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles, and he will stop snoring.
"Yeah right!" she says.
A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed.
Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring loudly.
The woman decides maybe the ribbon might work on him.. So, she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband’s testicles.
Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly.
The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles.
He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, "I don't know where we were ... or what we did ...but, we took FIRST and SECOND place