What is your best college rivalry/joke?
What does the "N" on Nebraska's helmet stand for?
Q How do you get one of their graduates off of your porch.
A. Pay him for the pizza.
What does a Liberal Arts graduate say after they get their diploma?
"Would you like fries with that?"
There have to be more.
stands for nowledge
Your stranded on an island with a rabid dog, a crazed murderer and a notre dame fan. You have a gun but only two bullets, which do you shoot?
The notre dame fan (twice).
General Petraeus found a bottle in a remote valley in Afghanistan. When a Genie pooped out, after rubbing it, and offered to grant him any wish General Patraeus said, "Route all the insurgents out of Afghanistan and bring peace and democracy to this country without any more loss of life. Here's all of the maps with insurgent locations and identities of all of their leaders." The genie replied, "there is no way I can manage that, no one has that much power, it's just impossible." "Okay then," replied Patraeus, "give the Ohio State hockey team a berth in the NCAA tournament." The genie rubbed his chin and said "let me have a look at those maps."
Why do graduates from USC hang their diplomas in their windshields? Because then they can park in handicapped spaces.
I heard UCLA's team was going to be late arriving. They passed a sign on the highway that said 'Clean Restrooms' so they did.
Why do Michigan State football players go to movies in groups of 18 or more?
17 and under not admitted.
How do you keep a Colorado football player out of your yard?
Put up a goalpost.
What do you say to an Ohio State football player dressed in a three piece suit?
Will the defendant please rise.
When do Florida State players NOT run up the score?
When they are taking their SAT’s.
A Clemson football player was almost killed yesterday in a tragic horse back riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse.
the jokes are great, I needed a good laugh today.
Q...What does a USC grad say to a Cal grad?
A..."Welcome to McDonalds, may I take your order?"
Q...What do you get when you cross an Arizona Wildcat with a groundhog?
A...6 more weeks of bad football
Q: What are the longest 3 years of a UCLA football player's life?
A: His freshman year.
Q...What's the diference between a UCLA football player and a dollar?
A...You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q...How many FSU football players does it take to change a tire?
A...One, but he gets 3 hours credit.
The ASU football players were all in a remedial English class and the teacher asked "Does anyone know what comes after a sentence?" All the players shouted in unison, "THE APPEAL!"
ASU has adopted a new Honor System: "Yes, Your Honor. No, Your Honor."
A USC player really wanted to get into the game, so the coach said, "I'll let you play if you can answer a question.
What is 3 plus 2?" The player answered "5", and all the other guys on the team started yelling, "Give him another chance, coach!"
Recent Veterinarian/Zoology class graduates were asked:
What's the real difference between a Yankee Zoo and a Texas Zoo.
On the cage, a Yankee Zoo will have the name of the animal and then the scientific name in Latin.
Whereas, a Texas Zoo will have the name of the animal and the recipe!
jokes, made my day
There are three Auburn football players riding in a car. Who is driving?
The Police officer.
What's the best thing you can hope for when Michigan plays Notre Dame? A nothing-nothing tie and a lot of season-ending injuries.
Michigan coach Rich Rodriguez couldn't understand why his team kept getting so many illegal motion penalties and losing so many games last season, so he called his expert buddy Charlie Weis over at Notre Dame and asked his advice.
"Coach, your playbook's too complicated," Charlie suggested. "Look what your dealing with. Dumb it down a bit."
So RichRod adopted Weis' strategy. "Men," he said at the next team meeting. A few snickers were heard. "We're gonna make this easy. Well, easier, anyway. Just two plays: #1 and #2. If the quarterback yells, 'One!,' snap the ball and wet yourselves. If he yells, 'Two!,' snap the ball and soil yourselves."
They still lose but cut way down on the illegal motion penalties.
Great jokes, made my day
Of course we don't have Football here in France, or the same Universities for that matter...
Of course we don't have Football here in France,
You do, the ball is just round.
Isn't that GOLF - oh, but that's American as well, see Tiger Wood
For you Auburn fans who are planning on driving your tractors to the duck-hunting adventure that is the National Championship game in Glendale, Ariz., on Jan. 10, you should have left a week ago. OK, now that I've gotten that out of my system, I really am proud for Auburn and its fans.
Unlike your brethren in Tuscaloosa, you AU folks don't get these type trips very often. The last time the Barners, I mean the Tigers, played for a national championship, Dwight D. Eisenhower was in the White House and Ed Sullivan hadn't heard of the Beatles yet. Fifty-three years is a long time in between National Championship games.
There's a good chance you have forgotten how to act or what to do while on a national stage such as the one you will be on. We Alabama fans know what class is, after all, we can buy University of Alabama caskets to show off to the worms.
Remember, you aren't just representing that cow coll..., I mean Auburn University. You are representing the state of Alabama. And, of course, when you read or hear Alabama, you think of the 13 National Championships and 22 SEC Championships that UA has in its trophy cases.
It will be a struggle, but I really am going to pull for AU to beat Oregon. I don't really want that big pretty trophy housed in the Great Northwest where it will stay damp and get rusty. With an AU win over the ducks, the state of Alabama would be home to 15 Division 1 college football National Championships - our 13 plus y'all's two. That would be great.
And from what I hear, you AU fans will be happy to know that Cam Newton will return for his senior season next year rather than going to the NFL. Apparently, he said he can't afford the pay cut. (Sorry, I guess I didn't have it out of my system.)
And based on the past 53 years when UA won eight championships and AU (hopefully) won two, the next 53 years will see the state of Alabama be home to 27 National Championships - our 21 and y'all's four.
In the spirit of sportsmanship, I offer here some tidbits that you Auburn folks should remember while you are in Glendale. It's a few things we Alabama folks learned while in Pasadena last year and New Orleans in 1993 and New Orleans in 1980 and New Orleans in 1979 and...
well you get the message.
* If you find yourself pulled over by local law enforcement, do not ask the officer to hold your beer while you find your driver's license.
* Overalls are not appropriate attire to wear to the game and
most tractors won't fit in parking spaces at the stadium.
* When the doves are released during the pre-game ceremony, do not pull out your shotguns. It is "duck season," not dove season. In fact, leave your shotguns at home.
* You are not hunting real ducks. They are football players whose mascot is a duck. Refer to the rule above.
* I know you've been told that 17 and under are not admitted to R rated movies, but that doesn't mean you have to go in a group of 18.
* Do not brag to Arizona residents that your car tag is personalized just because your father made it.
* When asked where you are from, do not reply, "LA."
* Guns N Roses is a rock band, not anniversary gifts.
* The Battle of the Bulge is not an argument between your wife and mother.
* If you go sightseeing at the Grand Canyon, do not test the air brakes on your truck by driving off a cliff.
* After the band plays the National Anthem, do not yell out, "Gentlemen, start your engines."
* Do not tell people that you "loaded the dishwasher by getting your wife drunk."
* If you go to the Glendale Aquarium, do not bring a cane pole or trot line.
* Remove the rag from your gas tank and buy a replacement gas cap.
* If asked for your ID in Glendale, do not show them your belt buckle.
* When discussing the stock market, do not refer to the place where cows are sold.
Above all, have fun, Auburn fans. Enjoy the game. Bring home the national championship trophy home to Alabama. Soak it all in, because
2063 is a long ways off.
Who's the greatest Ohio State football coach?
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