Factory Joke Thread – May 2026

Love thy enemies and it will drive them crazy.

You can't finish if you never start

Today money can't buy a very good investment.

A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen! 'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity.' So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home. 'I have something to show you won't believe,' he said to his wife, opening his briefcase. 
 'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead?

Great Joke. Never saw it coming.

"May The Schwartz be with you..."
Spaceballs

On all of the above.

"Yes, I have a cold."

"AND, you have a cold?"

Nice

Retirement means 10 time more husband and half as much money.

If I had of known grandchildren were so much fun, I'd had them first

I'm in no shape to exercise

My favorite thing for dinner Reservations!

All the credit for these goes to Dorothy Galyean

Only to find out the salesman had just sold the car they were interested in, to a beautiful lady. “I thought you said you would hold that car until we raised the $75,000 asking price,” said the man. “You insisted there could be no discounts on this model, yet I just heard you close the deal for $65,000 to that lovely young lady over there.”

“Well, what can I tell you? She had the ready cash and just look at her. How could I resist?” replied the grinning salesman.

Just then the young woman approached the old folks and handed them the keys. “There you go,” she said. “I told you I could get this joker to drop the price... See you later, grandpa.”

Goes to show you… Never mess with the elderly!

As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.
I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment
I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing
And further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said.. . ...
' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard .. ... ..
' No doctor but the song you were whistling was .. . ...
' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener .'

hello

are like old mythical gods. All rules and no forgiveness. I

Dad knows all the answers
*Except when he disagrees with mom!

Technically, every sock is buy one get one free.

After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10
years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth
it !

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl:

"Will you marry me?" The girl said no.

The guy lived happily ever after, riding motorcycles, fishing, hunting and playing golf. He drank beer & whisky, had loads of money in the bank, left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

The End.

True

A new body art emporium opened at the mini mall, next to the paint & hardware store.

I can now get screwed, blued and tattooed all at the same place!

This is why different branches of the military have so much trouble communicating...

They all have a different vocabulary.

For instance: "Secure that building."

Tell a marine that and he'll go kill everyone inside.

Tell a soldier and he'll put up razor wire, sandbags, and machine gun nests.

Tell a sailor and he'll go in and close and lock all the windows and doors.

Tell an airman and he will take out a lease with an option to buy.

A guy goes in for a physical. The doctor asks about his activity level. “What do you mean?” asks the guy.

The doctor says, “Well, for example, what did you do yesterday?”

The guy says, “Yesterday afternoon, I took a five-hour walk about seven miles through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I got sand in my shoes and eyes. I jumped three feet in the air when I almost stepped on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills and hacked my way through tall grass. After that I was so exhausted and dehydrated, I drank eight beers.”

Inspired by the story, the doctor says, “Sounds like you’re one hell of an outdoorsman!”

The guy says, “Actually no, I’m just a really ****ty golfer.”

"Doctor, my eye hurts whenever I take a sip of coffee."

"Remove the spoon from your cup."

Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?

She scorched her lips on the exhaust pipe.

You are only young and it takes years of middle agr to get over it.

From Dorothy Galyan

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!