Factory Joke Thread – July 2025

I don’t know how to flirt, but I sure know how to make things awkward if you’re into that.

My friends bet me that I wouldn’t talk to the prettiest girl in the place. Can I buy you a drink with their money?

If you won the lottery for the amount of your phone number, exactly how much would you have won?

I hope you know CPR because you just took my breath away.

Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got fine written all over you.

How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice … which is what I’m trying to do right now.

Titanic. That’s my icebreaker. How are you?

Those look like nice arms. Could I see how they would feel around me?

My hand feels heavy. Will you hold it?

You look familiar. Were we ever in the same class? I swear we had chemistry together.

Because he was part of the orca-stra.

Enraged, the guy hops out of his car and confronts the old man. “Look what you did to my car” he yells, “you’re gonna give me $10,000 right now or I’m gonna beat you to a pulp!”

“Oh my…” the old man said nervously. “I don’t have that kind of money. Let me call my son,” he said with hope. “He trains dolphins, and he will know what to do.”

“Dolphins!” the other driver huffed while rolling his eyes.

The old man pulled out his phone, dialed his son, and just as his son answered, the irate man snatched the phone away from the old man.

“So, YOU’RE a dolphin trainer, huh?” The irate man yelled, “Well, your old man here just rear-ended my car, and I need TEN GRAND right now, or I’m going to beat you AND your old man to a pulp!”

“I’ll be there in 10 minutes.” says the voice calmly on the other end.

Exactly 10 minutes later, a Jeep pulls up and the guy hops out and proceeds to pulverize the bully, leaving him in a heap on the side of the road. When he finished, he walked over to his father and said...

“For the last time dad, I train Seals… Navy Seals, NOT dolphins!”

It didn't taste anywhere close to the real thing. I guess you could call it an impasta.

During an election campaign, a politician visits a small rural town. At a rally, he asks the mayor what can he and the government do for you?

The Mayor replies that they have two main problems. The first one is that we don't have a doctor in town.

The politician immediately takes out his iPhone, makes a call and seems to discusses the situation for a while, after which he hangs up and tells the mayor:

- Your problem is solved. I have arranged for a doctor come to set up practice in your town. Now, what is the second problem?

The mayor replies, "We don't have mobile cellphone coverage."

Wow

Is not my cup of tea.

A dog and a cat were having an argument about who is the favourite of humans.
The dog says “Humans like us more. They even named a tooth (canine) after us. Naming such an important body part after us shows that they like us more.”
The cat smiles and says, “You’re not really going to win this one you know.”

They look appealing,
They smell amazing,
They taste fantastic,
and...
They will kill you slowly.

A Texan is drinking in an Arizona bar when he gets a call on his phone. As he listens, he starts grinning from ear to ear. When he hangs up, he shouts to the bartender, "Drinks on me! Everyone gets one!"

The bartender starts pouring, and the crowd gathers, eager to hear the good news.

"Well," the Texan says proudly, "My wife just gave birth to a typical Texas baby boy—25 pounds!"

Gasps ripple through the bar. No one can believe a baby could weigh that much. The Texan just shrugs and says,
"That’s about average in Texas. Like I said, he’s a typical Texas boy."

People cheer, one woman faints from the thought, and shouts of “NO WAY!” and “UNBELIEVABLE!” fill the room.

Two weeks later, the Texan walks back into the same bar.
⁷
The bartender says, "Hey, you’re the guy with the 25-pound Texas baby, right? We've all been betting on how big he’d be by now. So—what’s he weigh?"

The proud dad takes a slow sip of his beer, wipes his mouth on his sleeve, leans on the bar, and says: "17 pounds."

The bartender looks puzzled. "Wait -he was 25 pounds at birth. What happened?"

The Texan grins.
"We had him circumcised!"

Joe wanted to buy a Harley motorcycle. He didn't have much luck until one day, he came across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it ...
The bike looked better than a new one, even though it was 10 years old. It was shiny and in great condition.

He buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.

'Well, it's quite simple,' says the seller, 'whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome as it protects it from the rain, and he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents and naturally, they ride the bike there. Just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family.'

'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the FIRST person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.'

'No problem,' He says, and in they go.

Joe is shocked. Right in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner, and sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation. He leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. He reaches over and fondles her breasts. Nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table and screws her, right there in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

He looks at her mom. She's got a great body too. Joe grabs mom, bends her over the table, pulls down her panties, and screws her every which way but loose right there on the dinner table. She has a big orgasm and Joe sits down. His girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and mom is beaming from ear to ear, but still .... Total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain. Joe remembers his bike so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket, but as he stands up the father immediately shouts: 'Ok, ok, I'll go do the frickin’ dishes!!'

Politicians; don’t you just love them.

It was a depresso.