Factory Joke Thread – October 2024

An oldie...
A forty-ish woman was naked and jumping up and down on her bed, laughing and singing.

Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her. He watches her for a while and says "You look ridiculous! What on earth are you doing?"

"I just had my checkup and the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18 year old." She starts laughing and jumping again.

"Yeah, right and what did he say about your 41 year old ass?"

Your name never came up," she replied.

She was an olive stuffer by trade. She used to crawl through the pitted olives dragging her pimiento behind her.

A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.

Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator."

Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn’t wear because they were out of style.

She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn’t suit you.

Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don’t fit into anymore.

Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, "Is there anything else that your wife doesn’t use anymore?"

"And so, here we are!"

Nice

yup

Smoking will kill you... Bacon will kill you... But, smoking bacon will cure it.

I woke up exhausted.

God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world...

...Then he made the Earth round!

It was a brief case.

I talked with a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.

He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. "I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage.”

I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?”

"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no.... I was paroled."

A man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "That would be my wife."

I was shocked!

One day a man walks into a bar and to his amazement, he finds a tiny person playing a tiny piano.

Stunned the man asked the bartender where he got this amazing person. The bartender replied that inside the closet in the Men's Room there is a genie that will grant him a single wish.

The man dashed into the Men's Room, opened the closet and as the bartender said, there was a genie inside.

Without hesitation the man wished for a million bucks, but instead 1 million ducks instantly appeared. Infuriated, the man stormed back to the bar and screamed "I think your genie is hard of hearing*, I asked for a million bucks but instead I got a million ducks."*

The bartender shook his head and replied, "You're telling me... Do you really think I asked for an 11-inch pianist?"

good one

Mercator Projection is a map that preserves direction. Peters Projection is a map that preserves the relative sizes of landmasses. Anger Projection is a map that blames everyone else for all of its problems.

One day, Bubba was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Billy Joe driving a brand new pickup. Billy Joe pulled up to him with a wide grin.

"Billy Joe, where'd you get that truck!?"

"Bobby Sue gave it to me" Billy Joe replied.

"She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?"

"Well, Bubba, let me tell you what happened. We was driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Bobby Sue pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, 'Billy Joe, take what you want'. So, I took the truck!"

"Billy Joe, you're a smart man!" Bubba says. "Them clothes woulda never fit ya."