Factory Joke Thread – May 2022

 

This is the official POI Factory Joke thread.

Please read the forum rules before posting.

"POI Factory is not a forum for politically charged debate.
Let's avoid topics that already have a long list of Democrat or Republican talking points or that name specific politicians."

It will be closed on the last day of the month and a new one will be opened.

~Angela

Thunderstorm

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, "The big sissy."

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneousjokes/weatherjokes/rain...

--
johnm405 660 & MSS&T

I quit my job at the transmission repair shop.

I didn't like the shifts.

Good One!!

Good One!!

--
Kingston, Tennessee

The parrot

A woman walks into a pet store and sees a handsome bright red parrot. She asks the cashier how much the parrot is. The cashier says, “I’ll sell it, but I should warn you, it was donated by a brothel, so it might have picked up some colorful language.”
The woman says, “Oh, that’s okay.” She buys the parrot and takes it home.
When she takes the towel off its cage, the parrot looks at her and says, “Awk. New madam. Hello madam.”
A few hours later, the woman’s two teenage daughters come home from school. The parrot looks at them and says, “Awk. New girls. Hello girls.”
A couple hours after that, the woman’s husband Phil comes home from work. The parrot looks at him and says, “Awk. Hi Phil.”

One Liner

I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do it's because I missed my exit.

Math lessons

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine..."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher, "What are you teaching my son in math?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

--
John from PA

Ex-Wife

I tried to re-marry my ex-wife. But she figured out I was only after my money.

Special Wedding

My friend went to an elderly couples wedding at the weekend, it was a very emotional affair, even the wedding cake was in tiers

--
Nuvi2797LMT (2) Nuvi260,Ford Sync3 Navigation. Captain Cook was a Yorkshire man too.

History Fact

The Middle Ages were called the dark ages because there were to many Knights.

--
Nuvi2797LMT (2) Nuvi260,Ford Sync3 Navigation. Captain Cook was a Yorkshire man too.

Corny Dad Jokes

"I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."

"My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward."

"Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?" "In case they get a hole in one!"
"Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera."

"What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?" "They're both Paris sites."

Why couldn't Comic Sans-Serif get into the bar?

They didn't like his type.

Shower Thought

Theme parks can snap a crystal clear picture of you on a roller coaster at 70 mph, but bank cameras can’t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.

Catholic morning coffee

Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman

were having coffee in St. Peters Square .

The first Catholic man tells his friends,

"My son is a priest, when he walks into a room,

everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps,

"My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room

people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says,

"My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room

everyone bows their head and says
'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly,

"My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room

people call him 'Your Holiness'.”

Since the lone Catholic woman was

sipping her coffee in silence,

The four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies,

I have a daughter,

SLIM & TALL

40" D Breasts

24" WAIST and

34" HIPS (scroll down)

When she walks into a room, people say,

“ JESUS"

--
Nuvi 2797LMT, DriveSmart 50 LMT-HD, Using Windows 10. DashCam A108C with GPS.

Corny Dad Joles II

"What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?" "
Sofishticated."

"How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?" "
You follow the fresh prints."

"If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?"
"Pilgrims."

"I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes.
Turns out it was the refrigerator all along."

Catholic Morning Coffee

Wow

falling

There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said,
'If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!'
Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had 'fallen.'
This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.
The priest said, 'You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen.'
The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word.
Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, 'I don't know what you're laughing about, your wife fell three times this week.'

USB

The inventor of the USB stick has died, thanks for the memory.

--
Nuvi2797LMT (2) Nuvi260,Ford Sync3 Navigation. Captain Cook was a Yorkshire man too.

Falling

Ha,ha.ha

--
Nuvi 2797LMT, DriveSmart 50 LMT-HD, Using Windows 10. DashCam A108C with GPS.

What Mom taught you...

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.--"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

My mother taught me RELIGION.--"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.--"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC.--"Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.--"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT.--"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY.--"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.--"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.--"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA.--"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

My mother taught me about WEATHER.--"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.--"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.--"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.--"Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY.--"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.--"Just wait until we get home.

My mother taught me about RECEIVING.--"You are going to get it when you get home!"

My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.--"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

My mother taught me ESP.--"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

My mother taught me HUMOR.--"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.--"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My mother taught me GENETICS.--"You're just like your father."

My mother taught me about my ROOTS.--"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My mother taught me WISDOM.--"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

My mother taught me about JUSTICE.--"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."

--
John from PA

Walking the Dog

A little girl asked her Mom, “Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?”Mom replies, “No, because she is in heat.”

“What’s that mean?” asked the child.

“Go ask your father”, answered the mother, “I think he’s in the garage.”

The little girl goes to the garage and says, “Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.”

Dad said, “Bring Belle over here.” He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog’s backside with it and said, “Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block.”

The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, “Where’s Belle?”

“She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.

Haircut

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week’ The florist was
pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his
bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm
doing community service this week.’ The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a politician came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his
bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week.’ The politician was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

"Both politicians and diapers need to be changed often and for the same reason.”

--
John from PA

Haircut

Oh so true...ha...ha!