Factory Joke Thread – August 2026

What do you call a lawyer stuck on the moon with no way home?

A problem

What do you call 10 lawyers stuck on the moon with no way home?

A bigger problem

What do you call 100 lawyers stuck on the moon with no way home?

An even bigger problem

What do you call all lawyers stuck on the moon with no way home?

Problem solved.

No physical fitness program needed, everyone around here gets enough exercise

1. Jumping to conclusions

2. Flying off the handle

3. Running their mouths

4. Kicking friends in the ass

and

5. Dodging responsibility

A mother and her daughter were walking through a cemetery and passed by a headstone inscribed, "Here lies a good economist and an honest man."
The little girl read the headstone, looked up at her mother, and asked "Mommy why did they bury two people here?"

I'm the life of the party......even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
I'm very good at opening childproof caps...with a hammer.
I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.
I'm very good at telling stories; over and over and over and over...
I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not nearly as cute! as mine.
I'm so cared for --- long term care, eye care, private care, dental care.

I'm not really grouchy,

I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, lawyers, loud music, unruly kids, Jenny Craig and Toyota commercials, barking dogs, politicians and a few other things I can't seem to remember right now.

I'm sure everything I can't find is in a safe secure place, somewhere.

I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
I'm having trouble remembering simple words like.......
I'm beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps.
I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days,
and when did they let kids become policemen?
I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?
And, how can my kids be older than I feel sometimes?

I'm a walking storeroom of facts..... I've just lost the key to the storeroom door.

who escaped from prison?

There was a small medium at large.

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a
pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon
went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, my dog is
dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have
services for an animal in the church. But there are some
Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they
believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."

Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya think
$5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"

Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary , Mother of Jesus!
Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic??"

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual
soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast,
wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly,
"You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or
this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment,
I embraced her and then Gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove,
her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"

She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

says: "Sorry about the wait."

I said: "It's OK. It's not that heavy."

I Like

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Two. One to change it, and one to change it back and claim the first guy broke the room.

I asked my wife “Why did you marry me?” She replied “Because you are funny..”. I said “I thought it was because I was good in bed.” She said “See, you are hilarious ...”

Three blondes are stuck in an elevator.

The first one yells loudly, "HELP! HEEEELP! HELP!" No one arrives.

The second one yells even louder, "HELP! HELP! HELP!" No one arrives.

So the third one suggests, "Maybe if we yell together, someone could hear us. Okay, let's do it, the first two agreed."

One, two, three, "TOGETHER! TOGETHER! TOGETHER!"

The wife called the husband and said “I’ve got good news and band news.” Husband replied “Give me the good news first.” The wife replied “The airbags in the new car work...”