Factory Joke Thread – August 2026

What do you call a lawyer stuck on the moon with no way home?

A problem

What do you call 10 lawyers stuck on the moon with no way home?

A bigger problem

What do you call 100 lawyers stuck on the moon with no way home?

An even bigger problem

What do you call all lawyers stuck on the moon with no way home?

Problem solved.

No physical fitness program needed, everyone around here gets enough exercise

1. Jumping to conclusions

2. Flying off the handle

3. Running their mouths

4. Kicking friends in the ass

and

5. Dodging responsibility

A mother and her daughter were walking through a cemetery and passed by a headstone inscribed, "Here lies a good economist and an honest man."
The little girl read the headstone, looked up at her mother, and asked "Mommy why did they bury two people here?"

I'm the life of the party......even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
I'm very good at opening childproof caps...with a hammer.
I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.
I'm very good at telling stories; over and over and over and over...
I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not nearly as cute! as mine.
I'm so cared for --- long term care, eye care, private care, dental care.

I'm not really grouchy,

I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, lawyers, loud music, unruly kids, Jenny Craig and Toyota commercials, barking dogs, politicians and a few other things I can't seem to remember right now.

I'm sure everything I can't find is in a safe secure place, somewhere.

I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
I'm having trouble remembering simple words like.......
I'm beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps.
I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days,
and when did they let kids become policemen?
I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?
And, how can my kids be older than I feel sometimes?

I'm a walking storeroom of facts..... I've just lost the key to the storeroom door.

who escaped from prison?

There was a small medium at large.

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a
pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon
went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, my dog is
dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have
services for an animal in the church. But there are some
Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they
believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."

Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya think
$5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"

Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary , Mother of Jesus!
Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic??"

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual
soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast,
wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly,
"You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or
this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment,
I embraced her and then Gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove,
her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"

She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

says: "Sorry about the wait."

I said: "It's OK. It's not that heavy."

I Like

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Two. One to change it, and one to change it back and claim the first guy broke the room.

I asked my wife “Why did you marry me?” She replied “Because you are funny..”. I said “I thought it was because I was good in bed.” She said “See, you are hilarious ...”

Three blondes are stuck in an elevator.

The first one yells loudly, "HELP! HEEEELP! HELP!" No one arrives.

The second one yells even louder, "HELP! HELP! HELP!" No one arrives.

So the third one suggests, "Maybe if we yell together, someone could hear us. Okay, let's do it, the first two agreed."

One, two, three, "TOGETHER! TOGETHER! TOGETHER!"

The wife called the husband and said “I’ve got good news and band news.” Husband replied “Give me the good news first.” The wife replied “The airbags in the new car work...”

They each got six months.

WoW

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.' She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.
Oh it's a statue,' she replied. 'The Smiths bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too.' No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. ' Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.'

Sarah was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

Sarah's favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To Sarah's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.

Sarah was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in a Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Peace Prize" they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?

Alternative meanings, from The Washington Post

1. Coffee (n), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj), appalled over how much weight you have
gained.
3. Abdicate (v), to give up hope of ever having a flat
stomach.
4. Esplanade (v), to attempt an explanation when drunk..
5. Willy-nilly (adj), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj), describes a condition in which you
absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
7. Lymph (v), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n), an olive flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n), the emergency vehicle that picks you up
after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n), a humorous question in an exam.
12. Rectitude (n), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a
proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n), a person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddish expressions.
14. Circumvent (n), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n), the belief that, when you die, your
soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Pokemon (n), a Jamaican proctologist.

Are you shore?

Dallas Cowboys practice was delayed two hours today after a player found an unknown white powdery substance on the field.

Jerry Jones immediately suspended practice and called the police.

After analysis, experts confirmed it was the goal line.

Practice resumed once officials decided the Cowboys were unlikely to see it again this season.

Oh, you herd that one before?

A man walks into a bar, orders a double bourbon, neat, and downs it a single gulp.
“How big is a penguin?” he asks. The bartender says. “Around 18 inches”
He orders a second double bourbon, neat, and downs it a single gulp.
“What’s the biggest a penguin can ever be?”
The bartender frowns. “Three feet maybe an inch or two more.”
He orders a third double bourbon, neat, and downs it a single gulp.
He sighs. “I may have run over a nun.”